Category: Taoism Buddhism

Scular Humanism aka atheism is a religion

Question:

NOTE: I AM NOT THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS POST. I POST IT HERE ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSION SHOULD ANYONE LIKE TO DISCUSS IT Newsgroups: alt.atheism, alt.talk.creationism http://groups.google.com/groups?q=g:thl1439150362d&dq=&hl=en&lr=&ie=U… http://makeashorterlink.com/?U1F224EC8

Since when is Secular Humanism "aka" atheism? –Billy

Response:

Secularism is not incompatible with theism. A theist could wish for secular government.

Well, you know that bit about rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and rendering unto God what is God’s?  Got your separation of church and state right there.  It isn’t taken seriously by too many theists nowadays, but during the time when the US was founded, Quakers and others who did take it seriously were much more involved with history.

Response:

NOTE: I AM NOT THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS POST. I POST IT HERE ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSION SHOULD ANYONE LIKE TO DISCUSS IT

Well, you titled it. Secular Humanism is not the same thing as atheism. I am an atheist. I am not a Humanist, let alone a Secular Humanist.

Response:

NOTE: I AM NOT THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS POST. I POST IT HERE ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSION SHOULD ANYONE LIKE TO DISCUSS IT Well, you titled it. Secular Humanism is not the same thing as atheism. I am an atheist. I am not a Humanist, let alone a Secular Humanist.

Secularism is not incompatible with theism. A theist could wish for secular government. Humanism is not incompatible with religion in general, but it would be hard to reconcile the idea of "man as the measure of all things" with theism. BF

Response:

no …. it isn’t

Response:

  Secular Humanism is a religion

Only if "bald" is a hair-color.

Response:

NOTE: I AM NOT THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS POST. I POST IT HERE ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSION SHOULD ANYONE LIKE TO DISCUSS IT Newsgroups: alt.atheism, alt.talk.creationism

http://groups.google.com/groups?q=g:thl1439150362d&dq=&hl=en&lr=&ie=UT F-8&selm=mHCIc.107%24So5.27619%40news.uswest.net http://makeashorterlink.com/?U1F224EC8 Is "Secular Humanism" a "Religion"? —-       John Dewey described Humanism as our "common faith." Julian Huxley called it "Religion without Revelation." The first Humanist Manifesto spoke openly of Humanism as a religion.

<etc… I find it quite amusing that some religious folks seek to denigrate atheism (and in this case Humanism) by equating it to religion.  Do they not see the irony in this? Anyway, it all depends on what definition of ‘religion’ you have in mind.  I would say that the generally accepted definition is something along the lines of "belief in, worship of or obedience to a supposed supernatural power or powers".  Clearly atheism and Humanism do not fit this definition, since neither assert the existence of any such supernatural power. If we use a more colloquial definition then the term ‘religion’ could include anything that a person regards as being "of overwhelming importance in their life".  In this case, religion could indeed include atheism or Humanism, or for that matter football or science or pornography or knots or anything else at all *for one particular person*.  Such a definition would not therefore be very useful in characterising the object of such a religion. So, calling atheism or Humanism a religion is either false, or trivial and meaningless.  Take your pick  :-)

Response:

NOTE: I AM NOT THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS POST. I POST IT HERE ONLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSION SHOULD ANYONE LIKE TO DISCUSS IT Newsgroups: alt.atheism, alt.talk.creationism http://groups.google.com/groups?q=g:thl1439150362d&dq=&hl=en&lr=&ie=U… http://makeashorterlink.com/?U1F224EC8 Is "Secular Humanism" a "Religion"? —-       John Dewey described Humanism as our "common faith." Julian Huxley called it "Religion without Revelation." The first Humanist Manifesto spoke openly of Humanism as a religion. Many other Humanists could be cited who have acknowledged that Humanism is a religion. In fact, claiming that Humanism was "the new religion" was trendy for at least 100 years, perhaps beginning in 1875 with the publication of The Religion of Humanity by Octavius Brooks Frothingham (1822-1895), son of the distinguished Unitarian clergyman, Nathaniel Langdon Frothingham (1793-1870), pastor of the First Unitarian Church of Boston, 1815-1850. In the 1950’s, Humanists sought and obtained tax-exempt status as religious organizations. Even the Supreme Court of the United States spoke in 1961 of Secular Humanism as a religion. It was a struggle to get atheism accepted as a religion, but it happened. From 1962-1980 this was not a controversial issue.       But then Christians began to challenge the "establishment of religion" which Secular Humanism in public schools represented. They used the same tactic Atheists had used to challenge prayer and Bible reading under the "Establishment Clause" of the First Amendment. Now the ACLU is involved. Now the question is controversial. Now Secular Humanists have completely reversed their strategy, and claim that Humanism is not at all religious, but is "scientific."       This page examines two issues:         a.. Secular Humanists and Humanistic courts have admitted that Humanism is a religion.         b.. Why they now claim Humanism is not a religion, in order to avoid problems under the "Establishment Clause" of the First Amendment.      For further reading, see R.J. Rushdoony, The Messianic Character of American Education, chapter 27, "Education as a Religion." He writes,             [T]he state school is a religious institution. As pointed out in Intellectual Schizophrenia, the public school is the established church of today and a substitute institution for the medieval church, dedicated to the same monolithic conception of society. Some years ago, Dewey very candidly discussed "Education as a Religion" (John Dewey, "Education as a Religion," The New Republic, August, 1922, p. 64f.) As Whitehead observed, "The essence of education is that it be religious." (Alfred North Whitehead, The Aims of Education, NY: Mentor Books, 1952, p. 26)                  The public or state schools have thus been inescapably religious. Their "common faith" has been described as "made up of elements provided by Rousseau, Jefferson, August Comte, and John Dewey. ‘Civil religion’ is an apt designation for this faith." (G.H. Williams, Harvard Divinity School Bulletin, 1948-1949, p. 41.) —- In 1961, the U.S. Supreme Court acknowledged that Secular Humanism was a religion. Nevertheless, many Humanists deny the significance of the Court’s assertion. In order to buttress the claim that the identification of Secular Humanism as a religion in a footnote in the Torcaso case is more than mere "dicta," here is a memorandum prepared "[a]t the request of the staff of the Committee on Education and Labor" by Congressman John B. Conlan. —-       The U.S. Supreme Court cited Secular Humanism as a religion in the 1961 case of Torcaso v. Watkins (367 U.S. 488). Roy Torcaso, the appellant, a practicing Humanist in Maryland, had refused to declare his belief in Almighty God, as then required by State law in order for him to be commissioned as a notary public. The Court held that the requirement for such an oath "invades appellant’s freedom of belief and religion."       The Court declared in Torcaso that the "no establishment" clause of the First Amendment reached far more than churches of theistic faiths, that it is not the business of government or its agents to probe beliefs, and that therefore its inquiry is concluded by the fact of the profession of belief.  Actually, the Court in Torcaso rested its decision on "free exercise" grounds, not the "Establishment Clause." Abington v. Schempp, 374 U.S. 203, 264-65 (1962) J. Brennan, concurring.       The Court stated:         We repeat and again reaffirm that neither a State nor the Federal Government can constitutionally force a person to "profess a belief or disbelief in any religion." Neither can constitutionally pass laws or impose requirements which aid all religions as against non-believers,10 and neither can aid those religions based on a belief in the existence of God as against those religions founded on different beliefs.11       Footnote 11 concerning "religions founded on different beliefs" contains the Court’s citation of Secular Humanism as a religion. It states         Among religions in this country which do not teach what would generally be considered a belief in the existence of God are Buddhism, Taoism, Ethical Culture, Secular Humanism, and others. See Washington Ethical Society v. District of Columbia, 101 U.S. App. D.C. 371, 249 F.2d 127; Fellowship of Humanity v. County of Alameda, 153 Cal. App. 2d 673, 315 P.2d 394; II Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences 293; 4 Encyclopedia Britannica (1957 ed.) 325-327; 21 id., at 797; Archer, Faiths Men Live By (2d ed. revised by Purinton), 120-138, 254-313; 1961 World Almanac 695, 712; Year Book of American Churches for 1961, at 29, 47.       It is important to note that this citation of Secular Humanism as a religion is not merely dictum. The Supreme Court refers to the important 1957 case of Washington Ethical Society v. District of Columbia (101 U.S. App. D.C. 371) in its holding that Secular Humanism is a non-theistic religion within the meaning of the First Amendment.       The Ethical Culture movement is one denomination of Secular Humanism which reaches moral and cultural relativism, situation ethics, and attacks belief in a spiritual God and theistic values of the Old and New Testaments.       The Washington Ethical Society case involved denial of the Society’s application for tax exemption as a religious organization. The U.S. Court of Appeals reversed the Tax Court’s ruling, defined the Society as a religious organization, and granted its tax exemption.       The Court Stated,         The sole issue raised is whether petitioner falls within the definition of a "church" or a "religious society" . . . . The taxing authority urges denial of the tax exemption asserting petitioner is not a religious society or church and that it does not use its buildings for religious worship since "religious" and "worship" require a belief in and teaching of a Supreme Being who controls the universe. The position of the tax Court, in denying tax exemption, was that belief in and teaching of the existence of a Divinity is essential to qualify under the statute. . . . To construe exemptions so strictly that unorthodox or minority forms of worship would be denied the exemption benefits granted to those conforming to the majority beliefs might well raise constitutional issues . . . . We hold on this record and under the controlling statutory language petitioner qualifies as "a religious corporation or society" . . . .       It is incumbent upon Congress to utilize this broad definition of religion in all its legislative actions bearing on the support or non-support of religion, within the context of the "no-establishment" clause of the First Amendment. —- Other Justices have reflected back on the Torcaso opinion and confirmed our analysis.

  In Torcaso v. Watkins, 367 U.S. 488, 495, n. 11 (1961), we did indeed refer to "SECULAR HUMANISM" as a "religio[n]."   Edwards v. Aguillard, 482 U.S. 578 (1987) note 6 Justice Harlan summed it all up:   [Footnote 8] This Court has taken notice of the fact that recognized "religions" exist that "do not teach what would generally be considered a belief in the existence of God," Torcaso v. Watkins, 367 U.S. 488, 495 n. 11, e. g., "Buddhism, Taoism, Ethical Culture, SECULAR HUMANISM and others." Ibid. See also Washington Ethical Society v. District of Columbia, 101 U.S. App. D.C. 371, 249 F.2d 127 (1957); 2 Encyclopaedia of the Social Sciences 293; J. Archer, Faiths Men Live By 120-138, 254-313 (2d ed. revised by Purinton 1958); Stokes & Pfeffer, supra, n. 3, at 560.   Welsh v. United States 398 U.S. 333 (1970) note 8 But many who favor a secularist "separation of church and state" will contend that fundamentalists invented the idea that Humanism is a religion. Like most Americans, these secularists do not understand the legal issues involved here. The Humanist-dominated Court is permitting Secular Humanists to have their cake and eat it too. Secular Humanism is a religion "for Free Exercise Clause purposes." The Court has undeniably defined Secular Humanism as a religion "for free exercise purposes." When Secular Humanists want the benefits of a religion, they get them. Tax Exemption. Secular Humanism has been granted tax-exempt status as a religion. The Torcaso quote cited the cases. Conscientious Objection. Even though Congress originally granted conscientious objector status only to … read more »

Response:

Schizophrenia A Genetic Mutation

Question:

Pdoc once told me that schizophrenia is a genetic mutation or a jump in evolution. He said that schizophrenics are deficient in certain vitamins and allergic to dairy,also at the time he came to recommend fish oils. Pdoc said that eventually all humans will have to take vitamins, I interpret that to mean all humans will one day be schizophrenic. In a way schizophrenics are spiritual guinea pigs because this is a demon haunted world. If all ghouls and demons are banished from having access to to this dimension and banished from having any contact with humans would schizophrenia be such a bad thing? Coming around to the genetic mutation theory now if sometime in the future the ghouls and demons no longer exist then humanity will make the evolutionary jump and the only voices and thoughts to be heard are the voices of positive angels.

Response:

shayne wrote: > Pdoc once told me that schizophrenia is a genetic mutation or a jump > in evolution. He said that schizophrenics are deficient in certain > vitamins and allergic to dairy,also at the time he came to recommend > fish oils.

There have been some studies on fish oil since it has EPA or Omega 3 or whatever.  But as far as the food allergies, not much came of those studies.  Same with the vitamin studies on niacin, riboflavin, etc. That view is about 40 years old, and is not well accepted today. I don’t subscribe to orthomolecular crap, although good diet is nice. As far as a mutation, it certainly could be.  But all mutations are not instrinsically good, nor part of evolution of man to a higher state. It’s possible schizophrenics are just freaks of nature. m.

Response:

shayne wrote: > In a way schizophrenics are spiritual guinea pigs because this is > a demon haunted world. If all ghouls and demons are banished > from having access to to this dimension and banished from having > any contact with humans would schizophrenia be such a bad thing? > Coming around to the genetic mutation theory now if sometime > in the future the ghouls and demons no longer exist then humanity > will make the evolutionary jump and the only voices and thoughts to > be heard are the voices of positive angels.

If you are religious, I think it’s easier to see madness as a demon posession.  At least for those who are Judeo-Christian.  For atheists, it’s easier to see madness as psychological or biological. I wonder how the Easterners view madness?  I hear Japanese historically have buried their heads in the sand.  The mad are often hidden and families are ashamed of them.  Much more acceptable in the U.S. How does madness fit into Zorastrianism?  Taoism?  Zen Buddhism? m.

Response:

Some demon busting Christians write that schizophrenia is the spirit of rejection that takes hold of a person at a very young age. What is the process of the fish oil in the brain does it coat the neural pathways so too much extra dimensional infomation doesn’t seep through? Vitamin C and B3 are are like filler for potholes to hell. I know the theory of the vitamin C and B-3 is that is sends more blood to the frontal lobe. As a schizo I’ve experienced the schizo sieve like front brain where everything all sensory input sails right through into the middle and back mind the dream mind. The front mind the social functioning part of the brain only picks up bits and pieces of information. The pdoc said schizos are living in a waking dream in normals the dream mind switches to the waking mind when you wake from a nights sleep not so with schizos that switch isn’t functioning properly most of the time. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->If you are religious, I think it’s easier to see madness as a demon >posession.  At least for those who are Judeo-Christian.  For atheists, >it’s easier to see madness as psychological or biological. >m.

Response:

Going Through Difficult Times ?

Question:

Dennis <dcasan…@cfl.rr.com> wrote in news:BBEEC260.2EA90%dcasanova@cfl.rr.com: > Going Through Difficult Times ? > During Difficult times there is no greater support than that afforded > by a Faith in Jesus Christ.

Sorry dude, I worship Spunky the Wonder Squirrel.  Some maintain that he is at least bipartite and has a chipmunkish aspect which is also fun to worship.

Response:

On Sun, 30 Nov 2003 11:37:18 +0100, None – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<letshopethunderbirdwonttrashthisaccounthist…@swissonline.ch> wrote: >kitznegari thinks it has wings wrote: >>>Going Through Difficult Times ? >>>During Difficult times there is no greater support than that afforded by a >>>Faith in Jesus Christ. >> jesus saves. >> mohammed shares. >> buddah invests. >> cthulu thinks you’d make a nice meal. >> – k i t z – >> alt.food.sugar-cereals loves you. >> http://spinning_plates.tripod.com

LOL! I just sent this to mah mom. =)

Response:

none said: <snip shit> i really liked that.  i’m going to use those on my site somehow :) – k i t z – alt.food.sugar-cereals loves you. http://spinning_plates.tripod.com

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -None wrote: > kitznegari thinks it has wings wrote: >>> Going Through Difficult Times ? >>> During Difficult times there is no greater support than that afforded >>> by a >>> Faith in Jesus Christ. >> jesus saves. >> mohammed shares. >> buddah invests. >> cthulu thinks you’d make a nice meal. > # Taoism: Shit happens. > # Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens." > # Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit. > # Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. > # Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening? > # Hinduism: This shit has happened before. > # Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. > # Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible. > # Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel. > # Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. > # Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. > # Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen. > # Episcopalian: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve > the right wine with it. > # Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape > juice with it. > # Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as > shit that happens to another. > # Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that > happens to another. > # Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it. > # Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are > born again. (Amen!) > # Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay. > # Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again. > # Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? > # Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work. > # Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday. > # Creationism: God made all shit. > # Secular Humanism: Shit evolves. > # Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor – pray! > # Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind. > # Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit. > # Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. > # Utopianism: This shit does not stink. > # Darwinism: This shit was once food. > # Capitalism: That’s MY shit. > # Communism: It’s everybody’s shit. > # Feminism: Men are shit. > # Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us… > # Commercialism: Let’s package this shit. > # Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden. > # Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit. > # Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS. > # Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway? > # Stoicism: This shit is good for me. > # Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening! > # Mormonism: God sent us this shit. > # Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again. > # Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen. > # Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. > # Jehovah’s Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens. > # Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you > some of our shit? > # Jehovah’s Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only > the righteous shall survive its happening. > # Moonies: Only really happy shit happens. > # Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama. > # Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit! > # Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time. > # Church of SubGenius: BoB shits. > # Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time. > # Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. > # Agnostic #2: Did someone shit? > # Agnostic #3: What is this shit? > # Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS. > # Atheism: What shit? > # Atheism #2: I can’t believe this shit! > # Nihilism: No shit.

LOL. Here’s something from my old webpage: A Biblical Dictionary Of Computing Terms Project Proposal: "Your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions." (Joel 2:28) Feasability Study: "Yet what shall I chose I wot not, for I am in a strait between two." (Pilippians 1:22,23) System Specification: "For which of you … sitteth down first and counteth the cost, whether he has sufficient to finish it." (St Luke 14:28) System Audit: "Surely thou hast greatly deceived this thy people?" (Jeremiah 4:10) System Design: "And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house: and it fell not: for it was founded on a rock." (St Matthew 7:25) Implementation: "And there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was." (Daniel 12:1) Program Bugs: "When I do good, evil is present with me." (Romans 7:21) Data Validation: "And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth." (Revelation 21:27) Error Correction: "Fret not thyself because of evildoers." (Psalms 37:1) Resource Allocator: "For I am a man under authority … and I say this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it." (St Matthew 8:9) Seekers After Promotion: "They said unto him, Grant unto us that we may sit, one on thy right hand, and the other on thy left hand, in thy glory." (St Mark 10:37) Seekers After A Bonus: "When I looked on all the works that my hand had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do and, behold … there was no profit under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 2:11) —Source: http://www.bestiary.com/moose/humour/computer.bib.html (now defunct) — LG <<—a temple in mah owne righte "Almost every man who teaches psychology at the college level has a female following of at least half a dozen young women willing to spend the night with him." So writes a university faculty member.   – Lou Boyd, ‘Lou Boyd Revisited’

Response:

>Going Through Difficult Times ? >During Difficult times there is no greater support than that afforded by a >Faith in Jesus Christ.

jesus saves. mohammed shares. buddah invests. cthulu thinks you’d make a nice meal. – k i t z – alt.food.sugar-cereals loves you. http://spinning_plates.tripod.com

Response:

kitznegari thinks it has wings wrote: >>Going Through Difficult Times ? >>During Difficult times there is no greater support than that afforded by a >>Faith in Jesus Christ. > jesus saves. > mohammed shares. > buddah invests. > cthulu thinks you’d make a nice meal. > – k i t z – > alt.food.sugar-cereals loves you. > http://spinning_plates.tripod.com

# Taoism: Shit happens. # Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens." # Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit. # Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. # Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening? # Hinduism: This shit has happened before. # Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. # Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible. # Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel. # Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. # Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. # Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen. # Episcopalian: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. # Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. # Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another. # Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another. # Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it. # Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) # Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay. # Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again. # Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? # Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work. # Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday. # Creationism: God made all shit. # Secular Humanism: Shit evolves. # Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor – pray! # Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind. # Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit. # Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. # Utopianism: This shit does not stink. # Darwinism: This shit was once food. # Capitalism: That’s MY shit. # Communism: It’s everybody’s shit. # Feminism: Men are shit. # Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us… # Commercialism: Let’s package this shit. # Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden. # Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit. # Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS. # Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway? # Stoicism: This shit is good for me. # Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening! # Mormonism: God sent us this shit. # Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again. # Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen. # Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. # Jehovah’s Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens. # Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit? # Jehovah’s Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening. # Moonies: Only really happy shit happens. # Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama. # Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit! # Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time. # Church of SubGenius: BoB shits. # Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time. # Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. # Agnostic #2: Did someone shit? # Agnostic #3: What is this shit? # Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS. # Atheism: What shit? # Atheism #2: I can’t believe this shit! # Nihilism: No shit.

Response:

Going Through Difficult Times ? During Difficult times there is no greater support than that afforded by a Faith in Jesus Christ. I do not support or propose the use of Faith in God as a substitue for seeking appropriate Modern  Medical Assistance  for Health Care Problems but that instead it be used as a good support system in assisting you to acquire knowledgable people to assist you in your  time of Medical need. Currently in the U.S. over 30 Medical Colleges offer courses on the aspects of Religion in the treatment of medical disorders. Christian Fellowship – join today and receive 3-4 inspirational Christian Fellowhip emails per week designed to enhance your walk with Jesus and inspire your Christianity. Think you will enjoy them at no matter what stage you are at in your Christian Walk  and sincerely believe they will assist in supporting you during your times of difficulty. Subscibe today and unsubscibe at any time you wish. To subscibe simply reply with the words – Please Subscibe me to your Christian Fellowship Emails in the subject or Body of message. Christian Fellowship Cocoa Beach, Florida Dennis C.

Response:

Meditation

Question:

Hello     Has anyone out there had positive results from Meditation?

Before I suffered some abuse by a buddhist organisation I did find that meditation was of some help. I used to meditate each morning and this seemed to help me start the day a bit more relaxed. Over time I found that my concentration slowly improved. Which was really good because my concentration started out really bad. However now after suffering the abuse I find it too difficult to face anything like that now. There are just too many triggers that cause heaps of distress. GR — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I thought the ultimate meditation was to be able to think of "nothing"?  Put the brain in neutral and turn off the power. Tono No,the purpose of meditation is "not hanging on to yout thoughts" You have a thought and let it go like a cloud. You don’t jump into the thought or ast on it. Love from Anna

And you don’t judge it. (Correct?) bob — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

No,the purpose of meditation is "not hanging on to yout thoughts" You have a thought and let it go like a cloud. You don’t jump into the thought or ast on it. Love from Anna And you don’t judge it. (Correct?) bob

Abslotely ! I forgot that one and it is one of the most important things to learn in meditation. All there is *is* just that. Not good not bad Just neutral. And that is why it can be of some support for PAD.OCD.etc. people cause this is our main difficulty: This allways labeling how we feel. We tend to over-analyze. In meditation one can try to let go of that even if it is for a short moment in time. It is worth it :-) Thanks fro the reminder ! Love from Anna — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No,the purpose of meditation is "not hanging on to yout thoughts" You have a thought and let it go like a cloud. You don’t jump into the thought or ast on it. Love from Anna And you don’t judge it. (Correct?) bob Abslotely ! I forgot that one and it is one of the most important things to learn in meditation. All there is *is* just that. Not good not bad Just neutral. And that is why it can be of some support for PAD.OCD.etc. people cause this is our main difficulty: This allways labeling how we feel. We tend to over-analyze. In meditation one can try to let go of that even if it is for a short moment in time. It is worth it :-) Thanks fro the reminder ! Love from Anna

Once in a while I think I can point out something useful <g, mainly because I’ve had about a million bucks worth of hospitalizations, programs, etc. This, coincidentally, ties in with the "question of the day" on "your worst should statement".  I went through the Marsha Linehan DBT program, and was taught that "should" was a very dangerous word.  Just like you said, Anna, thoughts (as well as things and situations) just "are". They called it "shoulding on yourself", or, my personal favorite, "musterbation". :) I guess a good example would be, "I should be able to go to the grocery store."  Or, more broadly, "There should not be starvation in the world." best, (wondering how much Dr. Linehan ripped off from Eastern philosophy), bob — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hello     Has anyone out there had positive results from Meditation?                                          Thanx

Hi Stephen, i found it hard to meditate to begin with as it meant I may not be in control. I was also worried about hyperventilating if I got the breathing wrong. But I started with very small sessions and used a ‘mantra’ style so breathing slowed down in a natural way. I did 30minutes meditation twice a day and felt calm and at ease afterwards. It was also a way of clearing my mind of negative thoughts by acknowledging them then releasing them. Vanessa :) — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I don’t wont to go to far into it as it is a bit painful. However I can say that there was some degree of mental and physical abuse. The deceived, cheated and lied to get what they wanted out of me, but I was also evicted onto the street with nowhere to live, when they decided that they wanted the room. I have to say that it was the most dreadful time of my life… Greg

Hi Greg, I’m glad you have all that behind you. Chip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

that made me shudder…. I was living with them because I wanted to be closer to the teachings. This organisation is world wide and in Australia is very aggressive in Sydney. At the time I wouldn’t have called it a cult, but now I really don’t know. actually I was going to post about how I was feeling about what happened and how to deal with those feelings. Cheers, Gregory

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jul 2003 11:10:19 GMT, I don’t wont to go to far into it as it is a bit painful. However I can say that there was some degree of mental and physical abuse. The deceived, cheated and lied to get what they wanted out of me, but I was also evicted onto the street with nowhere to live, when they decided that they wanted the room. I have to say that it was the most dreadful time of my life… Did you join a cult or something?  Many people practice Buddhist meditation without living in a physdo-monistary. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Before I suffered some abuse by a buddhist organisation I did find that meditation was of some help. I used to meditate each morning and this seemed to help me start the day a bit more relaxed. Over time I found that my concentration slowly improved. Which was really good because my concentration started out really bad. However now after suffering the abuse I find it too difficult to face anything like that now. There are just too many triggers that cause heaps of distress. GR

Hey GR, What kind of abuse did you suffer from the Buddhist organization? Chip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I heard that one of the side effects of meditation is a Buddha belly.  Is this true, Anna ?  :-D Tony —  Absolutely and beware :-) )) Love from Anna

I used to meditate.  I would meditate my belly button.  Since I now have a Buddha belly, I cannot see my belly button and had to quit. gt — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I don’t wont to go to far into it as it is a bit painful. However I can say that there was some degree of mental and physical abuse. The deceived, cheated and lied to get what they wanted out of me, but I was also evicted onto the street with nowhere to live, when they decided that they wanted the room. I have to say that it was the most dreadful time of my life… Greg

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Before I suffered some abuse by a buddhist organisation I did find that meditation was of some help. I used to meditate each morning and this seemed to help me start the day a bit more relaxed. Over time I found that my concentration slowly improved. Which was really good because my concentration started out really bad. However now after suffering the abuse I find it too difficult to face anything like that now. There are just too many triggers that cause heaps of distress. GR Hey GR, What kind of abuse did you suffer from the Buddhist organization? Chip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

<snip I can’t pretend to be Miss Anna, inimitable as she is, but I *have* read   books by Daisetz T. Suzuki and your friend is right. Suzuki’s writings are easily accessible and not *esoteric* in any way (Zen isn’t). He acquired great popularity in the sixties when some kind of involvement with *Eastern* philosophy was very much *en vogue*. I also vaguely remember a book that may have been written by Suzuki and Alan Watts called "Psychotherapy East and West" which I found interesting at the time – but if I still have it, it is stashed in a carboard box waiting together with a hundred other cardboard boxes to be moved to me new apartment in the beinning of Aigust ;-) I was going to stop there, but you know, I recognize in myself also, a

fear <snip *Every* fear makes sense to me ;-) I don’t think you have anything to worry about though, this is nothing like institutionalized religion and also nothing like esoteric or creepy cults. There is a lot of common sense involved. Philip

Thanks for your input Philip.  I don’t want a "whole new way of life", I want some useful/helpful coping strategies, uhm, "ways not to get myself into trouble" hehe, more helpful ways to think about things, especially problems. What my doc has told me about taoism seems to have led to a lot of my health improvement, I think. Frankly, I’ve been having difficulty reading for several years.  That worries me.  Concentration, comprehension, and retention.  The reason I say that is, I’m not sure if I can stick with a book, especially if it is difficult for me to understand.  I used to eat them for breakfast, so to speak, but for many years I seem to have lost a few IQ points, lol.  Maybe this book is on my level.  Maybe I need "Zen for Dummies", lol. again, thanks, bob — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This, coincidentally, ties in with the "question of the day" on "your worst should statement".  I went through the Marsha Linehan DBT program, and was taught that "should" was a very dangerous word.  Just like you said, Anna, thoughts (as well as things and situations) just "are". They called it "shoulding on yourself", or, my personal favorite, "musterbation". :) I guess a good example would be, "I should be able to go to the grocery store."  Or, more broadly, "There should not be starvation in the world." best, (wondering how much Dr. Linehan ripped off from Eastern philosophy), bob Lotsa ‘therapies’ take a sniff from the east.nothing wrong I quess. IMO it is better to first know the original philosophy :-) And yes things just "are" The universe is neutral so the why question as in ‘why am I the one that has to suffer’ is not leading towards an answer. Ahhhhhhhhhh well i can talk about this for hours and you would think "OMG why ??????"  LOL Love from Anna Anna, I can’t say that I know as much as I would like to about certain philosphies (really just know this and that about various).  But I’ve had so many people, intelligent and often uhm, appearing to be "mentally healthy", point me toward such as taoism and zen.  Honestly, I so far have avoided trying to gain more information, out of a fear (possibly low self-esteem?) that it would be totally above my head. Someone I’m corresponding with via email is going to send me a book I think titled "Introduction to Zen Buddhism" or something similar, by someone named Suzuki.  Interestingly enough, my new therapist (after I brought up taoism) recommended this person’s books as being easily accessible to Western-thinkers.  The guy who is sending me the book says Suzuki never really gets into Zen that much. So I’m curious, if you’ve read anything by (him?) ?  And would or would not recommend?

I can’t pretend to be Miss Anna, inimitable as she is, but I *have* read   books by Daisetz T. Suzuki and your friend is right. Suzuki’s writings are easily accessible and not *esoteric* in any way (Zen isn’t). He acquired great popularity in the sixties when some kind of involvement with *Eastern* philosophy was very much *en vogue*. I also vaguely remember a book that may have been written by Suzuki and Alan Watts called "Psychotherapy East and West" which I found interesting at the time – but if I still have it, it is stashed in a carboard box waiting together with a hundred other cardboard boxes to be moved to me new apartment in the beinning of Aigust ;-) I was going to stop there, but you know, I recognize in myself also, a fear of being "swept up" with something like this.  I know these things aren’t religions, and that I can take what I can use from it, but I guess I do, somewhere deep inside, have a fear of it, as I would a fear of a religion. Make any sense?

*Every* fear makes sense to me ;-) I don’t think you have anything to worry about though, this is nothing like institutionalized religion and also nothing like esoteric or creepy cults. There is a lot of common sense involved. Philip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

This, coincidentally, ties in with the "question of the day" on "your worst should statement".  I went through the Marsha Linehan DBT program, and was taught that "should" was a very dangerous word.  Just like you said, Anna, thoughts (as well as things and situations) just "are". They called it "shoulding on yourself", or, my personal favorite, "musterbation". :) I guess a good example would be, "I should be able to go to the grocery store."  Or, more broadly, "There should not be starvation in the world." best, (wondering how much Dr. Linehan ripped off from Eastern philosophy), bob

Lotsa ‘therapies’ take a sniff from the east.nothing wrong I quess. IMO it is better to first know the original philosophy :-) And yes things just "are" The universe is neutral so the why question as in ‘why am I the one that has to suffer’ is not leading towards an answer. Ahhhhhhhhhh well i can talk about this for hours and you would think "OMG why ??????"  LOL Love from Anna — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This, coincidentally, ties in with the "question of the day" on "your worst should statement".  I went through the Marsha Linehan DBT program, and was taught that "should" was a very dangerous word.  Just like you said, Anna, thoughts (as well as things and situations) just "are". They called it "shoulding on yourself", or, my personal favorite, "musterbation". :) I guess a good example would be, "I should be able to go to the grocery store."  Or, more broadly, "There should not be starvation in the world." best, (wondering how much Dr. Linehan ripped off from Eastern philosophy), bob Lotsa ‘therapies’ take a sniff from the east.nothing wrong I quess. IMO it is better to first know the original philosophy :-) And yes things just "are" The universe is neutral so the why question as in ‘why am I the one that has to suffer’ is not leading towards an answer. Ahhhhhhhhhh well i can talk about this for hours and you would think "OMG why ??????"  LOL Love from Anna

Anna, I can’t say that I know as much as I would like to about certain philosphies (really just know this and that about various).  But I’ve had so many people, intelligent and often uhm, appearing to be "mentally healthy", point me toward such as taoism and zen.  Honestly, I so far have avoided trying to gain more information, out of a fear (possibly low self-esteem?) that it would be totally above my head. Someone I’m corresponding with via email is going to send me a book I think titled "Introduction to Zen Buddhism" or something similar, by someone named Suzuki.  Interestingly enough, my new therapist (after I brought up taoism) recommended this person’s books as being easily accessible to Western-thinkers.  The guy who is sending me the book says Suzuki never really gets into Zen that much. So I’m curious, if you’ve read anything by (him?) ?  And would or would not recommend? And, if you want to talk about this type of thing, at least one person will be reading. :)  I’m serious, I’m not the type of person who is always looking for "the Answer" everywhere, but I’m starting to feel ready to take on this challenge.  Of course, its up to you. I was going to stop there, but you know, I recognize in myself also, a fear of being "swept up" with something like this.  I know these things aren’t religions, and that I can take what I can use from it, but I guess I do, somewhere deep inside, have a fear of it, as I would a fear of a religion. Make any sense? best, bob — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

OT: Buddhism

Question:

Interesting.  I read that book myself, a few years ago. But your post got me wondering: how many people here are looking into Buddhism as a way of coping with their lives?  And why Buddhism rather than the Judaeo-Christian tradition in which most of us were probably raised? Or, why not the classical Greco-Roman philosophy?

No dogma.  No scandals.  No formal rules. Moreover, with spokespeople like Ken Wilbur, it’s far more cerebral. [snip] I would also list Sufism and the poetry of Rumi as good sources for inspiration and comfort.

Kahlil Gibran is very good!  Hazrat Inayat Khan (e.g., _The Art of Being and Becoming_) too. But everywhere I go I seem to meet people talking about Buddhism, as if it has all the answers.  Well, I’ve known about Buddhism (and Taoism) ever since I was a teenager reading Alan Watts and D.T. Suzuki, and I don’t think they have all the answers.  So I’m puzzled by its popularity.   If someone could explain it to me, I’d be grateful.

From what I’ve read, especially by Ken Wilbur, Buddhism is closer to a form of mysticism [i.e., nearer the hub of the wheel than the way religions reside out there on its spokes].  In Wilber’s book _Eye to Eye: The Quest for the New Paradigm_, he goes right into metaphysics of spirituality whereas one has to really work through all the symbolism contained in high-level Sufi works [for example, Ibn al'Arabi is difficult to understand ].  Moreover, as with Sufism, he appears to [me] to be in accord with Jungian ideas about "self". Ellen

Response:

Interesting.  I read that book myself, a few years ago. But your post got me wondering: how many people here are looking into Buddhism as a way of coping with their lives?  And why Buddhism rather than the Judaeo-Christian tradition in which most of us were probably raised? Or, why not the classical Greco-Roman philosophy?

Yes. Why not. I am reading Socrates: The Republic. I think it’ great. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No dogma.  No scandals.  No formal rules. Moreover, with spokespeople like Ken Wilbur, it’s far more cerebral. [snip] I would also list Sufism and the poetry of Rumi as good sources for inspiration and comfort. Kahlil Gibran is very good!  Hazrat Inayat Khan (e.g., _The Art of Being and Becoming_) too. But everywhere I go I seem to meet people talking about Buddhism, as if it has all the answers.  Well, I’ve known about Buddhism (and Taoism)

Taoism is about simplicity. Very much in need in modern times. In Buddhism I like the part about compassion and to accept that life means suffering. Or shall I rather say: The duality of life which brings suffering. It points as well a way out of most parts of sufferings while you are living. ever since I was a teenager reading Alan Watts and D.T. Suzuki, and I don’t think they have all the answers.  So I’m puzzled by its popularity.   If someone could explain it to me, I’d be grateful.

I have all the answers. Most of them are wrong. Send me 10 US Dollars and perhaps I tell you the answers. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – From what I’ve read, especially by Ken Wilbur, Buddhism is closer to a form of mysticism [i.e., nearer the hub of the wheel than the way religions reside out there on its spokes].  In Wilber’s book _Eye to Eye: The Quest for the New Paradigm_, he goes right into metaphysics of spirituality whereas one has to really work through all the symbolism contained in high-level Sufi works [for example, Ibn al'Arabi is difficult to understand ].  Moreover, as with Sufism, he appears to [me] to be in accord with Jungian ideas about "self". Ellen

Response:

Newbie alert: Time to stop lurking

Question:

Thanks, Bill.  It’s very painful for me to imagine I’ll be in this funk for another year or two.  I think it will kill me.  I guess I was very lucky since when I met my current wife, I was going through a divorce at the time.  I was only three months into the process when she came along and "saved" me.  Maybe I jumped into a relationship with her too quickly in the first place and didn’t see how selfish she could be.  Still, we lasted fourteen years, so I guess the rebound effect (if there was one) didn’t have too much impact. And as far as being harsh on myself goes, I’m the champion when it comes to that.  In fact, I’m probably in this position at least partly because I am so good at blaming myself when things go wrong.  Every time I took personal responsibility when things weren’t what I felt they should be, my wife was probably sitting back and agreeing with me since that meant she got off scot free.  But I wanted so badly to please her that I never noticed that she wasn’t trying very hard to please me.  I really hope I can avoid making that mistake again.  To quote John Prine: "I wish you don’t do like I do And ever fall in love with someone like you." (from "All the Best") Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Steve, just to give you some idea….there is a *guideline* that it might take 1 or 2 months for each year of marriage to get through this grief process.  As Denise implied, 9 weeks is a drop in the bucket – it will take many, many, many months to get through this, and see a light at the end of the tunnel.  It’s been several months for me, and the fog *appears* to be lifting a bit – but that was after several *months*, not weeks.  So give it some more time, and *try* not to be too harsh on yourself. Bill in Colorado Steve, the grieving process will take a while. Just remember to be patient with yourself. 9 Weeks isn’t enough time to get past that many years. So, as tough as it is, remember, patience with you and allow yourself to really go through it all……and vent. I am sorry you have to go through this. It truly is one of the hardest things you will ever face. Denise

Response:

Steve, as you get distance from the pain, you will become stronger. After focusing all your time and attention on your wife, you would do well to turn inward for a bit and focus on *your* needs. Pamper yourself. Indulge in simple pleasures. Visualize yourself as a child and give yourself comfort. As others have said, it is too soon to come to terms with the ending your relationship. Best, Donna

Response:

If you are a person who "reads" through things as I am, try reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. For my money one of the best books be helpful for you. Denise – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thank you for the kind words, Denise.  I know it’s asking too much to be feeling any better about this after nine weeks.  I’m just trying to take it five minutes at a time (as Jess Lair suggests).  I had a *long* talk with a new friend tonight, and he opened my eyes to the co-dependence in my relationship.  I felt wholly responsible for my wife’s happiness and unworthy of asking her to meet me halfway, especially after I’d lost my job.  He feels that I spoiled her completely and in essence, got exactly what I "deserved": Selfishness on her part with no care whatsoever about my feelings.  Tough words, but probably spot on.  The thing I wonder at this point is whether there’s any hope at all left for us now that I’ve trained her to expect I’ll meet her needs without reciprocity.  It seems the "give and take" might have been all in one direction and that could be a very hard pattern to equalize. Still, I miss her so much… Steve Steve, the grieving process will take a while. Just remember to be patient with yourself. 9 Weeks isn’t enough time to get past that many years. So, as tough as it is, remember, patience with you and allow yourself to really go through it all……and vent. I am sorry you have to go through this. It truly is one of the hardest things you will ever face. Denise — Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. -Shakespeare- Hello, all. My name is Steve.  I’ll be 51 in August.  The woman I am married to and I have been together for fourteen years, married for twelve and a half. She is absolutely the love of my life.  Nine weeks ago, she walked out on me and has filed for divorce.  I’m devastated, and I’m turning to you for help.  I’ve been lurking for about a week now, but decided that it was time I introduced myself. My wife and I are very well-suited to one another.  She is an engineer, very logic-driven and practical.  I have a Ph. D. in psychology although I spent fifteen years working in an engineering environment at the same company where my wife is a technical manager.  I am a very emotional and romantic person, and my wife often told me that she was trusting me to be the caretaker of our relationship, especially since I’ve been married before and she hasn’t; in fact, her history with serious relationships was extremely bad and she looked at me at first as her knight in shining armor.  It always seemed to me that our strengths and weaknesses were a perfect complement to each other. We met in May, 1988 and were married on New Years Day, 1990.  For the first ten years of our marriage, I knew heaven.  We were both very well paid and could lavish our attention and passion on each other since we had decided not to have children.  As an example, she decided she’d like to spend her fortieth birthday in Paris so that’s what we did, including an extraordinary dinner at the Jules Verne halfway up the Eifel Tower to comemmortate the event, topped off with a sapphire-and-diamond ring I’d hidden inside a petit four for desert. Then things started to go wrong.  We were headed home after dinner out to celebrate her birthday in September, 1999 when I was pulled over for speeding and subsequently arrested for DUI.  Despite the fact that I had never even been stopped in the previous fifteen years I’d lived in this state, I lost my driving privileges which I am still trying to get back. Then in November, 1999, the company we both worked for laid me off in a "force management" campaign.  I was doing training, and they decided to outsource that function.  Despite having applied for about 500 positions in organization development and academia since then, I’ve found nothing. It’s been very tough and hasn’t done wonders for my self-esteem. My wife began to pull away from me soon after I lost my job.  She found it very difficult to deal with my depression and began to look elsewhere for support.  She had a very brief fling with another man in the spring of 2001 and then a more serious one last autumn.  We were going through couples counseling at the time, but although she would talk some and nod her head a lot during sessions, it never translated to any real effort on her part to address our issues once we left the therapist’s office. She said that because she’d been tempted by other men’s attentions, she couldn’t seem to recommit herself to our marriage.  I don’t remember the last time she told me she loves/d me. She kept telling me that if a relationship requires work, than it wasn’t meant to be.  She didn’t seem to recognize how hard I was working as the relationship’s caretaker.  She told me she was very close to leaving on a number of occasions but wasn’t positive it was the right thing to do, so she stayed put while continuing to sit on the fence.  I kept trying to reassure her that I had forgiven her for her wanderings, but I don’t think she ever forgave herself.  She also became very tired of being the center of my life.  Since I couldn’t drive and wasn’t working, she was the only social outlet I had, and I admit I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could.  Her response was to spend as little time as possible at home. I had pulled myself out of the deepest part of my depression during the holidays and had committed myself to doing everything I could to save my marriage.  Our therapist recognized this, and in February told me there was nothing more he could do for me or for the marriage until my wife made some changes to her attitudes and behavior.  At that point, he told me that he wanted to continue to work with my wife individually and that at some point we would begin conjoint sessions again.  Although I felt I was being sort of pushed out of the picture, I agreed to his plan, but that day never arrived. It seems that their major topic was commitment, and my wife decided that if she couldn’t commit to staying, she’d instead commit to leaving. Her announcement took me completely by surprise, and feeling backed into a corner, I did a very stupid thing.  I told her that if she left me, I’d have nothing left to live for and would kill myself.  She dialed 911 and I found myself in lockdown at a crisis stabilization unit for four days. When I got home, she’d moved all of her clothing and all of our personal files and photographs out, as well as cleaning out our three joint bank accounts and taking all three of our cars.  She has since moved into an apartment after staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, and a truck came and took away three roomfulls of furniture. I don’t know where she’s living.  She won’t give me the address or phone number.  I can contact her at her work number or via e-mail, but I have stopped doing even that because the last time she was here she got very angry with me, called me every name in the book, and threw my bicycle against a wall.  She’s turned into someone I barely know.  I don’t know whether she is channeling her feelings of guilt into anger at me, but it feels that way.  She might also be going through the initial stages of menopause — she’s 44, and that’s about when the women in her family go through the change — so that might possibly have something to do with it.  (I know very little about this topic and would like to hear others’ views.)  All I know is that I’m frightened enough by her outbursts that I’ve asked my lawyer to petition the court that she be prohibited from entering the house. I know she was very frustrated by my inability to find work.  Even she has acknowledged that she was judging me on results rather than effort. Her answer is, "Tough, that’s the way the world works."  I suppose she’s come to see me as a hopeless loser or perhaps thinks I’m enjoying being out of work so I can sit around all day and count my toes.  She feels I wasn’t supporting her very well, but I’ve done everything I could since I lost my job to see to it that her life style was impacted as little as possible.  When she wanted a new car, we got her one, even though we had two others which were paid for and sitting idle.  And I have never once complained about the huge amounts of time and money she was spending on her figure skating hobby: Ice time, costumes, coaches, choreographers, personal trainers, etc.  Believe me, it adds up in a hurry. And the truth of the matter is that she wasn’t supporting me very well. She is not a patient

… read more »

Response:

Thanks, Janie!  It’s something I’ve thought about for quite some time, but my dear wife would never had supported the idea of me going back to school while we were married.  Ironic, isn’t it, that she now tells me that I should go find a minimum wage job so she doesn’t have to pay any support to me. Unfortunately, the program I want to enroll in is already full for this fall (no surprise), so I am going to have to put my plans on hold for a year. Steve (in the wild western suburbs of Chicago) And by the way, I’m more than willing to do as much reading as possible since my career plan at this point is to go back to school to pusue my license to practice <drum roll Marriage and Family Therapy, so this is all very good preparation. That seems like a career choice you would do well in, Steven.  I wish you success! Janie

– "Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true, or is it something worse?"

Response:

Steven, I haven’t participated in this thread ‘cuz I knew you’d get some very good responses from others.  But I want you to know that you have my sympathy, and one idea:  If you can’t get into the program you want, get into something, even if its just a silly community ed class on wine tasting or mexican cooking… something to get out of the house & off the streets. –Roger– – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks, Janie!  It’s something I’ve thought about for quite some time, but my dear wife would never had supported the idea of me going back to school while we were married.  Ironic, isn’t it, that she now tells me that I should go find a minimum wage job so she doesn’t have to pay any support to me. Unfortunately, the program I want to enroll in is already full for this fall (no surprise), so I am going to have to put my plans on hold for a year.

Response:

Interesting.  I read that book myself, a few years ago. But your post got me wondering: how many people here are looking into Buddhism as a way of coping with their lives?  And why Buddhism rather than the Judaeo-Christian tradition in which most of us were probably raised? Or, why not the classical Greco-Roman philosophy? I’m partial to the classical approach myself.  I like the old cardinal virtues:  prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance. (cf. Josef Pieper, "The Four Cardinal Virtues")  I understand the appeal of the Buddhist way of understanding suffering as due to desire, but I get the same point from the old Stoic philosophy  (Epictetus, "Enchiridion") I’ve also found much comforting wisdom in Jewish philosophy and Talmudic studies.  E.g., Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg, "The Beginning of Desire: Reflections on Genesis" or Abraham Joshua Heschel, "God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism".  Books like these have taught me that there’s a lot more to the Judaeo-Christian tradition than is usually supposed by the popular slams against it.  (It’s because I’ve seen some of that deeper, more meaningful, more decently humane tradition than I often bristle when I see people making casual, throw-away remarks at its expense.  I feel like I imagine I would if I saw someone spraying graffiti on the Lincoln memorial or the Pieta.) I would also list Sufism and the poetry of Rumi as good sources for inspiration and comfort. But everywhere I go I seem to meet people talking about Buddhism, as if it has all the answers.  Well, I’ve known about Buddhism (and Taoism) ever since I was a teenager reading Alan Watts and D.T. Suzuki, and I don’t think they have all the answers.  So I’m puzzled by its popularity.   If someone could explain it to me, I’d be grateful. — charlie

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Steve, Well, if you’re open to something completely different, I’m getting a lot of value out of my reading lately on Buddhist thought. The first book I found was by Stephen Batchelor — "Buddhism Without Beliefs."  I found this quote especially relevant to what many of us feel during the painful end of our marriages: "Angiush emerges from craving for life to be other than it is.  In the face of a changing world, such craving seeks consolation in something permanent and reliable, in a self that is in control of things, in a God who is in charge of destiny.  The irony of this strategy is that it turns out to be the cause of what it seeks to dispel.  In yearning for anguish to be assuaged in such ways, we reinforce what creates anguish in the first place:  the craving for life to be other than it is.  We find ourselve spinning in a vicious circle.  The more acute the anguish, the more we want to be rid of it, but the more we want to be rid of it, the more acute it gets." I should probably just shut up about this Buddhist shit and go away, but quite honestly — I’m finding enormous value in the exploration. Bought 3 more books today (uh oh, ASD). Barb Yes, I am very much a person who "reads" through things, and as a result of lurking here for a while, I’ve picked up quite a few titles.  Here’s what’s on my list thus far: Life After Loss – Bob Deits The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz Addiction to Love – Susan Peabody Care of the Soul – Thomas Moore Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman You Can Get Over Divorce – author? Feeling Good – David Burns Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – author? Co-Dependent No More – Melody Beattie If there are others that folks have found helpful, I’m all ears. And by the way, I’m more than willing to do as much reading as possible since my career plan at this point is to go back to school to pusue my license to practice <drum roll Marriage and Family Therapy, so this is all very good preparation. Thanks again, Denise. Steve If you are a person who "reads" through things as I am, try reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. For my money one of the best books might be helpful for you. Denise Thank you for the kind words, Denise.  I know it’s asking too much to be feeling any better about this after nine weeks.  I’m just trying to take it five minutes at a time (as Jess Lair suggests).  I had a *long* talk with a new friend tonight, and he opened my eyes to the co-dependence in my relationship.  I felt wholly responsible for my wife’s happiness and unworthy of asking her to meet me halfway, especially after I’d lost my job.  He feels that I spoiled her completely and in essence, got exactly what I "deserved": Selfishness on her part with no care whatsoever about my feelings.  Tough words, but probably spot on.  The thing I wonder at this point is whether there’s any hope at all left for us now that I’ve trained her to expect I’ll meet her needs without reciprocity.  It seems the "give and take" might have been all in one direction and that could be a very hard pattern to equalize. Still, I miss her so much… Steve Steve, the grieving process will take a while. Just remember to be patient with yourself. 9 Weeks isn’t enough time to get past that many years. So, as tough as it is, remember, patience with you and allow yourself to really go through it all……and vent. I am sorry you have to go through this. It truly is one of the hardest things you will ever face. Denise — Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. -Shakespeare- Hello, all. My name is Steve.  I’ll be 51 in August.  The woman I am married to and I have been together for fourteen years, married for twelve and a half. She is absolutely the love of my life.  Nine weeks ago, she walked out on me and has filed for divorce.  I’m devastated, and I’m turning to you for help.  I’ve been lurking for about a week now, but decided that it was time I introduced myself. My wife and I are very well-suited to one another.  She is an engineer, very logic-driven and practical.  I have a Ph. D. in psychology although I spent fifteen years working in an engineering environment at the same company where my wife is a technical manager.  I am a very emotional and romantic person, and my wife often told me that she was trusting me to be the caretaker of our relationship, especially since I’ve been married before and she hasn’t; in fact, her history with serious relationships was extremely bad and she looked at me at first as her knight in shining armor.  It always seemed to me that our strengths and weaknesses were a perfect complement to each other. We met in May, 1988 and were married on New Years Day, 1990.  For the first ten years of our marriage, I knew heaven.  We were both very well paid and could lavish our attention and passion on each other since we had decided not to have children.  As an example, she decided she’d like to spend her fortieth birthday in Paris so that’s what we did, including an extraordinary dinner at the Jules Verne halfway up the Eifel Tower to comemmortate the event, topped off with a sapphire-and-diamond ring I’d hidden inside a petit four for desert. Then things started to go wrong.  We were headed home after dinner out to celebrate her birthday in September, 1999 when I was pulled over for speeding and subsequently arrested for DUI.  Despite the fact that I had never even been stopped in the previous fifteen years I’d lived in this state, I lost my driving privileges which I am still trying to get back. Then in November, 1999, the company we both worked for laid me off in a "force management" campaign.  I was doing training, and they decided to outsource that function.  Despite having applied for about 500 positions in organization development and academia since then, I’ve found nothing. It’s been very tough and hasn’t done wonders for my self-esteem. My wife began to pull away from me soon after I lost my job.  She found it very difficult to deal with my depression and began to look

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Hiya, Barb.  I am absolutely open to something different.  Ruts get us nowhere, and we get there muddy.  (I just made that up.)  I love both   the title of the book and the passage that you quoted, even though the author spells his first name totally wrong.  It has now been officially added to my list. And please don’t just shut up and go away, OK? Thanks, Steve (in the wild western suburbs of Chicago) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Steve, Well, if you’re open to something completely different, I’m getting a lot of value out of my reading lately on Buddhist thought.   The first book I found was by Stephen Batchelor — "Buddhism Without Beliefs."  I found this quote especially relevant to what many of us feel during the painful end of our marriages: "Angiush emerges from craving for life to be other than it is.  In the face of a changing world, such craving seeks consolation in something permanent and reliable, in a self that is in control of things, in a God who is in charge of destiny.  The irony of this strategy is that it turns out to be the cause of what it seeks to dispel.  In yearning for anguish to be assuaged in such ways, we reinforce what creates anguish in the first place:  the craving for life to be other than it is.  We find ourselve spinning in a vicious circle.  The more acute the anguish, the more we want to be rid of it, but the more we want to be rid of it, the more acute it gets." I should probably just shut up about this Buddhist shit and go away, but quite honestly — I’m finding enormous value in the exploration. Bought 3 more books today (uh oh, ASD). Barb Yes, I am very much a person who "reads" through things, and as a result of lurking here for a while, I’ve picked up quite a few titles.  Here’s what’s on my list thus far: Life After Loss – Bob Deits The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz Addiction to Love – Susan Peabody Care of the Soul – Thomas Moore Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman You Can Get Over Divorce – author? Feeling Good – David Burns Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – author? Co-Dependent No More – Melody Beattie If there are others that folks have found helpful, I’m all ears. And by the way, I’m more than willing to do as much reading as possible since my career plan at this point is to go back to school to pusue my license to practice <drum roll Marriage and Family Therapy, so this is all very good preparation. Thanks again, Denise. Steve

<snip — "Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true, or is it something worse?"

Response:

Yeah, I am, Bill:  150mg of Wellbutrin to start the day and 30mg of Remerol before bed.  I hate to think how I’d feel if I wasn’t taking them.  There are times when I think I ought to just take them all at once (along with the supplies of Ativan, Paxil, Soma, and Vicodin I   have stockpiled, chased down by a fifth of Jack Daniels) but if I do that, she wins, so I don’t.  I owe it to those who love me and most     of all to myself not to take the "easy" way out. Steve (in the wild western suburbs of Chicago) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Are you on any antidepressants Steve?  You might talk with your doctor.   It helps. "She was everything to me and now I am nothing without her."  Sigh, it’s going to take *some time* to get past this one;  a lot of us have been – or still are – there, to some degree.  And that is codependency. Bill in Colorado Thanks, Donna.  I’m coming to understand that I’d been defining myself so entirely in terms of my marriage that I’m not even sure what I need for myself any more.  Nothing seems to touch the pain.  I ate a package of my favorite cookies last night in an attempt to indulge myself and found they tasted like chalk on my tongue.  I find myself putting music on the stereo and thinking only about whether my wife would enjoy it or just tell me to turn it down as she so often did. I go to bed and cry myself to sleep because I want so badly to hold and cuddle her.  There seems to be nothing I can do that doesn’t immediately bring thoughts of her to mind.  She was everything to me and now I am nothing without her. "You hold a life there in your hands You probably don’t know Somehow your dreams became my plans Somewhere long ago Think about the things we’ve done and where we’ve been Your touch made me a king I don’t want to live without your love again I’ll do anything" – Jackson Browne Steve Steve, as you get distance from the pain, you will become stronger. After focusing all your time and attention on your wife, you would do well to turn inward for a bit and focus on *your* needs. Pamper yourself. Indulge in simple pleasures. Visualize yourself as a child and give yourself comfort. As others have said, it is too soon to come to terms with the ending your relationship. Best, Donna

– "Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true, or is it something worse?"

Response:

Thanks for the kind words of support, Lisa.  I remember a couple of days ago when I was still in full lurk mode reading a story of an old farmer talking to his son on the day the son was to be married.  The gist of it was that to make a successful marriage, you must give and give and give some more because you don’t ever recognize it when you’re the one doing the taking. I have repeated that story to many people in the intervening days.  (Some get it, some don’t…) You’re right when you say that the end result is that you lose yourself along the way if you’re the only one doing the giving.  My therapist had me read a book by Jess Lair in which he talks about developing intimacy with other people by revealing what’s in your "deepest heart" and I was terrified as I read because I no longer know what’s in my deepest heart.   I’d given so much of myself away trying to keep my wife happy that I had totally lost track of who I really am. I guess that’s one big reason why this whole situation is so scary.  I’m sure I once had the resources to deal with it a whole lot better, but to (mis)quote "Abraham, Martin, and John" by Dion DiMucci:  "I just looked around and they’re gone." Steve (in the wild western suburbs of Chicago) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Steven E. Bruun wrote… And as far as being harsh on myself goes, I’m the champion when it comes to that.  In fact, I’m probably in this position at least partly because I am so good at blaming myself when things go wrong.  Every time I took personal responsibility when things weren’t what I felt they should be, my wife was probably sitting back and agreeing with me since that meant she got off scot free.  But I wanted so badly to please her that I never noticed that she wasn’t trying very hard to please me.  I really hope I can avoid making that mistake again.  To quote John Prine: "I wish you don’t do like I do And ever fall in love with someone like you." (from "All the Best") Hi Steve, You could be describing me. Like your wife my stbx did all the taking while I did all the giving. I tried so hard to make things "perfect" and in the end I gave up so much of myself to please him that I didn’t recognise who I had become. I didn’t like that weak person. One thing I will never do again is compromise myself. Things do get better Steve and don’t think of it as a mistake think of it as a life lesson, something you learn from. Good luck. Lisa

– "Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true, or is it something worse?"

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Yeah, I remember something like that, but last I recall, what they said was only *partially* true.  They discounted all the good stuff, like Lollipop, by the Chordettes.   LOL – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I dunno Bill, seems like I remember somebody telling you that the 50s weren’t really what you thought they were…. S.B. Exactly.  That’s what I have been telling y’all, about the 50’s. So maybe you were listening afterall?   LOL! Do I think you’re crazy for wanting things back like they were? Hell no! What would be crazy would be to NOT want things back the way they were!

Response:

Dear Janie, Many, many thanks for your very kind words.  I blushed and then wept as I read them.  But as much as I would like to believe that all of them are true, I need to remember (as do you) that you are only responding to half the story.  My wife, of course, would tell quite a different tale, and it would feature the word "controlling" very prominently.  She has charged me with "extreme mental cruelty" in her divorce petition, and it stems from her request that I serve the relationship as caretaker.  She feels that I was "emotionally manipulative" throughout our marriage, a charge I must take seriously since it was certainly true that when she abdicated any role in setting our emotional/romantic course, I was left with little choice but to "take control" in some fashion.  Now it seems I am being hoisted on my own petard.  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, I guess.  However, I don’t fit the profile of your garden variety "control freak" very well at all since I tried to make sure that every decision I made was in the best interest of the marriage.  Thank you for recognizing that.  And thank you for your encouraging words regarding my prospects for intimacy in the future.  As you intuited, I’m not exactly out looking for another love at the moment, but I am certainly a man who is "in love with being in love" so I’m sure that day will come. I am very worried about my wife at the moment.  Her serious affair was with an otherwise decent man who’s married with two kids, and I really doubt he was willing to break up his family to be with her.  In fact, he might find the fact that she’s "free" very threatening since she can be pretty aggressive, even predatory.  My strong hunch is that he is out of the picture.  As a result, I imagine (and I stress the word "imagine") that she’s out cruising all the wrong places trying to feed her need for attention (which is enormous).  She’s still quite a knockout at 44, and I’m sure she’ll attract plenty of men whose motives and character might not be the purest.  I pray to God above every single night that He will keep her safe from harm, but at the same time I kind of hope He’ll put enough of a scare into her that she might decide that being here with me isn’t such a lousy alternative.  She would have an awful lot of pride to swallow, though, and admitting she’s wrong and saying she’s sorry aren’t behaviors she’s practiced very much in her life. Could I even accept her back again?  You asked whether I could trust her going forward, should she return to me: The answer at the moment is most assuredly no.  While we might well be able to get back to where we were, where we were is not where I want or need to be.  I’ve got to know that none this is *ever* going to happen again, the infidelity, the lack of support, the cruel abandonment when anything goes wrong as it inevitably will.  I will be the first to tell you that until the end of 1999, I led what you called a charmed life.  Everything had gone pretty smoothly for me, all in all.  But especially now that it’s been proven to me that my "charm" isn’t permanent, I’m not willing to stake my marriage on that pattern.  Things would have to change, and she would have to be willing to take responsibility for effecting some of the necessary changes. Thanks again for some of the most wonderful things anyone has ever said to me.  I will cherish your message forever. Steve (in the wild western suburbs of Chicago) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <well told history snipped because it’s my habit to be neat :-) Wow.  What a great tale of a wonderful marriage, with a villain and everything.  Villainess?  Is that a word? I am not in any way being flip or rude here – you are  a great story teller, Steven.  And your’s is a great story of a "story book" romance.   You have a lot of insight (developed in counseling?), and a talent for writing and the importance of well timed progression in relating details. I should be so lucky as to find a guy like you for my last serious relationship in this life :-)  (I really match best with the leadership kind of guy – not control, not bossy, not authoritative, just the one who gets things done and you don’t have to always worry about did it get done or not.  The kind who knows what the right thing to do is, and has the confidence to carry through with it, and you can go along for the easy ride because he’s never wrong about these things.  Like my Dad :-)  I was just talking to a great friend of mine this morning on chat, who is like that. His ex saw it as controlling – I know controlling, that’s not what it is   that he has (or that you appear to have).  It’s confidence and the ability to lead.  And leading includes taking the needs of those who are following you into consideration.  A control freak doesn’t do that. You will certainly do well in whatever your future brings you regarding intimacy, you have what’s necessary for healthy intimacy, so you can at least set that aside as something not to worry about, even if it isn’t something you consider within the realm of you immediate or near future to get involved with someone else.  If you ever want it, it will be there for you. So, what do you think?  Am I crazy for wishing we will get back together again?  Should I still be crying every day after nine weeks alone?  Most everyone I’ve talked to about this condemns her behavior and tells me I am better off without her, but I still love her very much and cherish my memories of the good times.  And I believe there could be many more good times to come.  No, she’s not the easiest person in the world to love or to live with — Who is?  Certainly not me! — but I have always loved a challenge and I feel strongly that our differences were responsibile for the enormous, incendiary passion we shared.  I have never known physical passion like that between us, and it diminished only slightly if at all during the fourteen years we spent together.  Maybe I am thinking with some part of my body other than my brain here, but it seems to me that’s something worth fighting for all by itself. Do I think you’re crazy for wanting things back like they were?  Hell no! What would be crazy would be to NOT want things back the way they were! The thing is, you’ve learned some things  about your wife’s capacitities when things get difficult (as they are bound to do now and then in life), that you didn’t know or need to know before, when you were carrying  the responsibility for the relationship.  It sounds like you were perfectly content carrying that role as your share of the partnership, and she offered different equally valuable contributions  to the partnership.  So *when* you get back on your feet, with the driving and job thing, and can return to the lead role in the relationship, I imagine she would be happy to return to her role as well.  She’s going to find much to her amazement that, at her age, she isn’t going to find many single healthy guys who can take lead as well as you did, without a lot of emotional stuff she’s never had to deal with in you (i.e., she’s likely to mistake control freaks as having the natural leadership skills you possess, and she’s NOT going to like control freaks). There ain’t no grass greener than what she had before your difficulties, in other words. So the only question is, can you forgive her for her weaknesses she’s demonstrating right now, in her rebellion against the need for her to share responsibilities during unforeseen life crises?  She’s being pretty cruel, incredibly self-centered, and absolutely is unable to support you in need.   If you’re never *in* need, that’s fine.  Do you think this is the only life crisis that’s on your life schedule?  My guess would be no, but sometimes people are lucky and only have one.  "Charmed" lives I think they call it. So if you can forgive her for the cruelty and infidelity, and if you can accept that she will always fail you like this  if you ever get in a mess again. And if you can get things back like they were when you were in the leadership role in the relationship, complete with job and money and the esteem that goes with that stuff for her, then I can’t see any reason not to go for it. All those "if’s" are yours to answer though. (Outsourcing training is a very common thing these days.  Have you considered becoming an independent consultant whom companies outsource their training *to*?) Good luck, Janie

– "Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true, or is it something worse?"

Response:

I dunno Bill, seems like I remember somebody telling you that the 50s weren’t really what you thought they were…. S.B. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Exactly.  That’s what I have been telling y’all, about the 50’s.   So maybe you were listening afterall?   LOL! Do I think you’re crazy for wanting things back like they were?  Hell no! What would be crazy would be to NOT want things back the way they were!

Response:

Exactly.  That’s what I have been telling y’all, about the 50’s.   So maybe you were listening afterall?   LOL! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Do I think you’re crazy for wanting things back like they were?  Hell no! What would be crazy would be to NOT want things back the way they were!

Response:

Are you on any antidepressants Steve?  You might talk with your doctor.  It helps. "She was everything to me and now I am nothing without her."  Sigh, it’s going to take *some time* to get past this one;  a lot of us have been – or still are – there, to some degree.  And that is codependency. Bill in Colorado – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks, Donna.  I’m coming to understand that I’d been defining myself so entirely in terms of my marriage that I’m not even sure what I need for myself any more.  Nothing seems to touch the pain.  I ate a package of my favorite cookies last night in an attempt to indulge myself and found they tasted like chalk on my tongue.  I find myself putting music on the stereo and thinking only about whether my wife would enjoy it or just tell me to turn it down as she so often did. I go to bed and cry myself to sleep because I want so badly to hold and cuddle her.  There seems to be nothing I can do that doesn’t immediately bring thoughts of her to mind.  She was everything to me and now I am nothing without her. "You hold a life there in your hands You probably don’t know Somehow your dreams became my plans Somewhere long ago Think about the things we’ve done and where we’ve been Your touch made me a king I don’t want to live without your love again I’ll do anything" – Jackson Browne Steve Steve, as you get distance from the pain, you will become stronger. After focusing all your time and attention on your wife, you would do well to turn inward for a bit and focus on *your* needs. Pamper yourself. Indulge in simple pleasures. Visualize yourself as a child and give yourself comfort. As others have said, it is too soon to come to terms with the ending your relationship. Best, Donna

Response:

Thanks, Bill.  I’ll add them to my list.  (I just checked my bookshelf and discovered I already own a copy of Crazy Time.  I must have bought it back in 1988 when I was going through my previous divorce, but its pristine condition tells me I never read it.) Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Also Steve, you might check out Crazy Time by Trafford, Beyond Codependency by Beattie, Rebuilding by Fisher, and The Good Divorce by Ahrons.  There are several books listed on the ASD website too.   Are you on antidepressants?  You might consider it – it does help take the edge off. Bill in Colorado If you are a person who "reads" through things as I am, try reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. For my money one of the best hand. It might be helpful for you. Denise

Response:

Thanks, Donna.  I’m coming to understand that I’d been defining myself so entirely in terms of my marriage that I’m not even sure what I need for myself any more.  Nothing seems to touch the pain.  I ate a package of my favorite cookies last night in an attempt to indulge myself and found they tasted like chalk on my tongue.  I find myself putting music on the stereo and thinking only about whether my wife would enjoy it or just tell me to turn it down as she so often did.  I go to bed and cry myself to sleep because I want so badly to hold and cuddle her.  There seems to be nothing I can do that doesn’t immediately bring thoughts of her to mind.  She was everything to me and now I am nothing without her. "You hold a life there in your hands You probably don’t know Somehow your dreams became my plans Somewhere long ago Think about the things we’ve done and where we’ve been Your touch made me a king I don’t want to live without your love again I’ll do anything" – Jackson Browne Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Steve, as you get distance from the pain, you will become stronger. After focusing all your time and attention on your wife, you would do well to turn inward for a bit and focus on *your* needs. Pamper yourself. Indulge in simple pleasures. Visualize yourself as a child and give yourself comfort. As others have said, it is too soon to come to terms with the ending your relationship. Best, Donna

Response:

Steven E. Bruun wrote… And as far as being harsh on myself goes, I’m the champion when it comes to that.  In fact, I’m probably in this position at least partly because I am so good at blaming myself when things go wrong.  Every time I took personal responsibility when things weren’t what I felt they should be, my wife was probably sitting back and agreeing with me since that meant she got off scot free.  But I wanted so badly to please her that I never noticed that she wasn’t trying very hard to please me.  I really hope I can avoid making that mistake again.  To quote John Prine: "I wish you don’t do like I do And ever fall in love with someone like you." (from "All the Best")

Hi Steve, You could be describing me. Like your wife my stbx did all the taking while I did all the giving. I tried so hard to make things "perfect" and in the end I gave up so much of myself to please him that I didn’t recognise who I had become. I didn’t like that weak person. One thing I will never do again is compromise myself. Things do get better Steve and don’t think of it as a mistake think of it as a life lesson, something you learn from. Good luck. Lisa

Response:

Yes, I am very much a person who "reads" through things, and as a result of lurking here for a while, I’ve picked up quite a few titles.  Here’s what’s on my list thus far: Life After Loss – Bob Deits The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz Addiction to Love – Susan Peabody Care of the Soul – Thomas Moore Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman You Can Get Over Divorce – author? Feeling Good – David Burns Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – author? Co-Dependent No More – Melody Beattie If there are others that folks have found helpful, I’m all ears. And by the way, I’m more than willing to do as much reading as possible since my career plan at this point is to go back to school to pusue my license to practice <drum roll Marriage and Family Therapy, so this is all very good preparation. Thanks again, Denise. Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – If you are a person who "reads" through things as I am, try reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. For my money one of the best books might be helpful for you. Denise Thank you for the kind words, Denise.  I know it’s asking too much to be feeling any better about this after nine weeks.  I’m just trying to take it five minutes at a time (as Jess Lair suggests).  I had a *long* talk with a new friend tonight, and he opened my eyes to the co-dependence in my relationship.  I felt wholly responsible for my wife’s happiness and unworthy of asking her to meet me halfway, especially after I’d lost my job.  He feels that I spoiled her completely and in essence, got exactly what I "deserved": Selfishness on her part with no care whatsoever about my feelings.  Tough words, but probably spot on.  The thing I wonder at this point is whether there’s any hope at all left for us now that I’ve trained her to expect I’ll meet her needs without reciprocity.  It seems the "give and take" might have been all in one direction and that could be a very hard pattern to equalize. Still, I miss her so much… Steve Steve, the grieving process will take a while. Just remember to be patient with yourself. 9 Weeks isn’t enough time to get past that many years. So, as tough as it is, remember, patience with you and allow yourself to really go through it all……and vent. I am sorry you have to go through this. It truly is one of the hardest things you will ever face. Denise — Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. -Shakespeare- Hello, all. My name is Steve.  I’ll be 51 in August.  The woman I am married to and I have been together for fourteen years, married for twelve and a half. She is absolutely the love of my life.  Nine weeks ago, she walked out on me and has filed for divorce.  I’m devastated, and I’m turning to you for help.  I’ve been lurking for about a week now, but decided that it was time I introduced myself. My wife and I are very well-suited to one another.  She is an engineer, very logic-driven and practical.  I have a Ph. D. in psychology although I spent fifteen years working in an engineering environment at the same company where my wife is a technical manager.  I am a very emotional and romantic person, and my wife often told me that she was trusting me to be the caretaker of our relationship, especially since I’ve been married before and she hasn’t; in fact, her history with serious relationships was extremely bad and she looked at me at first as her knight in shining armor.  It always seemed to me that our strengths and weaknesses were a perfect complement to each other. We met in May, 1988 and were married on New Years Day, 1990.  For the first ten years of our marriage, I knew heaven.  We were both very well paid and could lavish our attention and passion on each other since we had decided not to have children.  As an example, she decided she’d like to spend her fortieth birthday in Paris so that’s what we did, including an extraordinary dinner at the Jules Verne halfway up the Eifel Tower to comemmortate the event, topped off with a sapphire-and-diamond ring I’d hidden inside a petit four for desert. Then things started to go wrong.  We were headed home after dinner out to celebrate her birthday in September, 1999 when I was pulled over for speeding and subsequently arrested for DUI.  Despite the fact that I had never even been stopped in the previous fifteen years I’d lived in this state, I lost my driving privileges which I am still trying to get back. Then in November, 1999, the company we both worked for laid me off in a "force management" campaign.  I was doing training, and they decided to outsource that function.  Despite having applied for about 500 positions in organization development and academia since then, I’ve found nothing. It’s been very tough and hasn’t done wonders for my self-esteem. My wife began to pull away from me soon after I lost my job.  She found it very difficult to deal with my depression and began to look elsewhere for support.  She had a very brief fling with another man in the spring of 2001 and then a more serious one last autumn.  We were going through couples counseling at the time, but although she would talk some and nod her head a lot during sessions, it never translated to any real effort on her part to address our issues once we left the therapist’s office. She said that because she’d been tempted by other men’s attentions, she couldn’t seem to recommit herself to our marriage.  I don’t remember the last time she told me she loves/d me. She kept telling me that if a relationship requires work, than it wasn’t meant to be.  She didn’t seem to recognize how hard I was working as the relationship’s caretaker.  She told me she was very close to leaving on a number of occasions but wasn’t positive it was the right thing to do, so she stayed put while continuing to sit on the fence.  I kept trying to reassure her that I had forgiven her for her wanderings, but I don’t think she ever forgave herself.  She also became very tired of being the center of my life.  Since I couldn’t drive and wasn’t working, she was the only social outlet I had, and I admit I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could.  Her response was to spend as little time as possible at home. I had pulled myself out of the deepest part of my depression during the holidays and had committed myself to doing everything I could to save my marriage.  Our therapist recognized this, and in February told me there was nothing more he could do for me or for the marriage until my wife made some changes to her attitudes and behavior.  At that point, he told me that he wanted to continue to work with my wife individually and that at some point we would begin conjoint sessions again.  Although I felt I was being sort of pushed out of the picture, I agreed to his plan, but that day never arrived. It seems that their major topic was commitment, and my wife decided that if she couldn’t commit to staying, she’d instead commit to leaving. Her announcement took me completely by surprise, and feeling backed into a corner, I did a very stupid thing.  I told her that if she left me, I’d have nothing left to live for and would kill myself.  She dialed 911 and I found myself in lockdown at a crisis stabilization unit for four days. When I got home, she’d moved all of her clothing and all of our personal files and photographs out, as well as cleaning out our three joint bank accounts and taking all three of our cars.  She has since moved into an apartment after staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, and a truck came and took away three roomfulls of furniture. I don’t know where she’s living.  She won’t give me the address or phone number.  I can contact her at her work number or via e-mail, but I have stopped doing even that because the last time she was here she got very angry with me, called me every name in the book, and threw my bicycle against a wall.  She’s turned into someone I

… read more »

Response:

Also Steve, you might check out Crazy Time by Trafford, Beyond Codependency by Beattie, Rebuilding by Fisher, and The Good Divorce by Ahrons.  There are several books listed on the ASD website too.   Are you on antidepressants?  You might consider it – it does help take the edge off. Bill in Colorado – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – If you are a person who "reads" through things as I am, try reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. For my money one of the best hand. It might be helpful for you. Denise

Response:

Steve, just to give you some idea….there is a *guideline* that it might take 1 or 2 months for each year of marriage to get through this grief process.  As Denise implied, 9 weeks is a drop in the bucket – it will take many, many, many months to get through this, and see a light at the end of the tunnel.  It’s been several months for me, and the fog *appears* to be lifting a bit – but that was after several *months*, not weeks.  So give it some more time, and *try* not to be too harsh on yourself. Bill in Colorado – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Steve, the grieving process will take a while. Just remember to be patient with yourself. 9 Weeks isn’t enough time to get past that many years. So, as tough as it is, remember, patience with you and allow yourself to really go through it all……and vent. I am sorry you have to go through this. It truly is one of the hardest things you will ever face. Denise

Response:

Thank you for the kind words, Denise.  I know it’s asking too much to be feeling any better about this after nine weeks.  I’m just trying to take it five minutes at a time (as Jess Lair suggests).  I had a *long* talk with a new friend tonight, and he opened my eyes to the co-dependence in my relationship.  I felt wholly responsible for my wife’s happiness and unworthy of asking her to meet me halfway, especially after I’d lost my job.  He feels that I spoiled her completely and in essence, got exactly what I "deserved": Selfishness on her part with no care whatsoever about my feelings.  Tough words, but probably spot on.  The thing I wonder at this point is whether there’s any hope at all left for us now that I’ve trained her to expect I’ll meet her needs without reciprocity.  It seems the "give and take" might have been all in one direction and that could be a very hard pattern to equalize. Still, I miss her so much… Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Steve, the grieving process will take a while. Just remember to be patient with yourself. 9 Weeks isn’t enough time to get past that many years. So, as tough as it is, remember, patience with you and allow yourself to really go through it all……and vent. I am sorry you have to go through this. It truly is one of the hardest things you will ever face. Denise — Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. -Shakespeare- Hello, all. My name is Steve.  I’ll be 51 in August.  The woman I am married to and I have been together for fourteen years, married for twelve and a half. She is absolutely the love of my life.  Nine weeks ago, she walked out on me and has filed for divorce.  I’m devastated, and I’m turning to you for help.  I’ve been lurking for about a week now, but decided that it was time I introduced myself. My wife and I are very well-suited to one another.  She is an engineer, very logic-driven and practical.  I have a Ph. D. in psychology although I spent fifteen years working in an engineering environment at the same company where my wife is a technical manager.  I am a very emotional and romantic person, and my wife often told me that she was trusting me to be the caretaker of our relationship, especially since I’ve been married before and she hasn’t; in fact, her history with serious relationships was extremely bad and she looked at me at first as her knight in shining armor.  It always seemed to me that our strengths and weaknesses were a perfect complement to each other. We met in May, 1988 and were married on New Years Day, 1990.  For the first ten years of our marriage, I knew heaven.  We were both very well paid and could lavish our attention and passion on each other since we had decided not to have children.  As an example, she decided she’d like to spend her fortieth birthday in Paris so that’s what we did, including an extraordinary dinner at the Jules Verne halfway up the Eifel Tower to comemmortate the event, topped off with a sapphire-and-diamond ring I’d hidden inside a petit four for desert. Then things started to go wrong.  We were headed home after dinner out to celebrate her birthday in September, 1999 when I was pulled over for speeding and subsequently arrested for DUI.  Despite the fact that I had never even been stopped in the previous fifteen years I’d lived in this state, I lost my driving privileges which I am still trying to get back. Then in November, 1999, the company we both worked for laid me off in a "force management" campaign.  I was doing training, and they decided to outsource that function.  Despite having applied for about 500 positions in organization development and academia since then, I’ve found nothing. It’s been very tough and hasn’t done wonders for my self-esteem. My wife began to pull away from me soon after I lost my job.  She found it very difficult to deal with my depression and began to look elsewhere for support.  She had a very brief fling with another man in the spring of 2001 and then a more serious one last autumn.  We were going through couples counseling at the time, but although she would talk some and nod her head a lot during sessions, it never translated to any real effort on her part to address our issues once we left the therapist’s office. She said that because she’d been tempted by other men’s attentions, she couldn’t seem to recommit herself to our marriage.  I don’t remember the last time she told me she loves/d me. She kept telling me that if a relationship requires work, than it wasn’t meant to be.  She didn’t seem to recognize how hard I was working as the relationship’s caretaker.  She told me she was very close to leaving on a number of occasions but wasn’t positive it was the right thing to do, so she stayed put while continuing to sit on the fence.  I kept trying to reassure her that I had forgiven her for her wanderings, but I don’t think she ever forgave herself.  She also became very tired of being the center of my life.  Since I couldn’t drive and wasn’t working, she was the only social outlet I had, and I admit I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could.  Her response was to spend as little time as possible at home. I had pulled myself out of the deepest part of my depression during the holidays and had committed myself to doing everything I could to save my marriage.  Our therapist recognized this, and in February told me there was nothing more he could do for me or for the marriage until my wife made some changes to her attitudes and behavior.  At that point, he told me that he wanted to continue to work with my wife individually and that at some point we would begin conjoint sessions again.  Although I felt I was being sort of pushed out of the picture, I agreed to his plan, but that day never arrived. It seems that their major topic was commitment, and my wife decided that if she couldn’t commit to staying, she’d instead commit to leaving.   Her announcement took me completely by surprise, and feeling backed into a corner, I did a very stupid thing.  I told her that if she left me, I’d have nothing left to live for and would kill myself.  She dialed 911 and I found myself in lockdown at a crisis stabilization unit for four days. When I got home, she’d moved all of her clothing and all of our personal files and photographs out, as well as cleaning out our three joint bank accounts and taking all three of our cars.  She has since moved into an apartment after staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, and a truck came and took away three roomfulls of furniture. I don’t know where she’s living.  She won’t give me the address or phone number.  I can contact her at her work number or via e-mail, but I have stopped doing even that because the last time she was here she got very angry with me, called me every name in the book, and threw my bicycle against a wall.  She’s turned into someone I barely know.  I don’t know whether she is channeling her feelings of guilt into anger at me, but it feels that way.  She might also be going through the initial stages of menopause — she’s 44, and that’s about when the women in her family go through the change — so that might possibly have something to do with it.  (I know very little about this topic and would like to hear others’ views.)  All I know is that I’m frightened enough by her outbursts that I’ve asked my lawyer to petition the court that she be prohibited from entering the house. I know she was very frustrated by my inability to find work.  Even she has acknowledged that she was judging me on results rather than effort. Her answer is, "Tough, that’s the way the world works."  I suppose she’s come to see me as a hopeless loser or perhaps thinks I’m enjoying being out of work so I can sit around all day and count my toes.  She feels I wasn’t supporting her very well, but I’ve done everything I could since I lost my job to see to it that her life style was impacted as little as possible.  When she wanted a new car, we got her one, even though we had two others which were paid for and sitting idle.  And I have never once complained about the huge amounts of time and money she was spending on her figure skating hobby: Ice time, costumes, coaches, choreographers, personal trainers, etc.  Believe me, it adds up in a hurry. And the truth of the matter is that she wasn’t supporting me very well. She is not a patient person, nor nurturing nor empathetic.  Like so many engineers, she approached my problems by trying to find solutions rather than lending a tender ear when I needed one.  She seemed to feel that she was holding up her end of the bargain by bringing home a paycheck. And her paycheck was sufficient to cover our living expenses without any trouble.  We have no debt, never have.  As much as I want to work, I was not yet to the point where I thought it was a deal-breaker.  My plan had been to go in search of something to tide me over as soon as I was able to drive again.  I thought she’d be at least patient enough to wait for that.

… read more »

Response:

Steve, the grieving process will take a while. Just remember to be patient with yourself. 9 Weeks isn’t enough time to get past that many years. So, as tough as it is, remember, patience with you and allow yourself to really go through it all……and vent. I am sorry you have to go through this. It truly is one of the hardest things you will ever face. Denise — Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. -Shakespeare- – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello, all. My name is Steve.  I’ll be 51 in August.  The woman I am married to and I have been together for fourteen years, married for twelve and a half. She is absolutely the love of my life.  Nine weeks ago, she walked out on me and has filed for divorce.  I’m devastated, and I’m turning to you for help.  I’ve been lurking for about a week now, but decided that it was time I introduced myself. My wife and I are very well-suited to one another.  She is an engineer, very logic-driven and practical.  I have a Ph. D. in psychology although I spent fifteen years working in an engineering environment at the same company where my wife is a technical manager.  I am a very emotional and romantic person, and my wife often told me that she was trusting me to be the caretaker of our relationship, especially since I’ve been married before and she hasn’t; in fact, her history with serious relationships was extremely bad and she looked at me at first as her knight in shining armor.  It always seemed to me that our strengths and weaknesses were a perfect complement to each other. We met in May, 1988 and were married on New Years Day, 1990.  For the first ten years of our marriage, I knew heaven.  We were both very well paid and could lavish our attention and passion on each other since we had decided not to have children.  As an example, she decided she’d like to spend her fortieth birthday in Paris so that’s what we did, including an extraordinary dinner at the Jules Verne halfway up the Eifel Tower to comemmortate the event, topped off with a sapphire-and-diamond ring I’d hidden inside a petit four for desert. Then things started to go wrong.  We were headed home after dinner out to celebrate her birthday in September, 1999 when I was pulled over for speeding and subsequently arrested for DUI.  Despite the fact that I had never even been stopped in the previous fifteen years I’d lived in this state, I lost my driving privileges which I am still trying to get back. Then in November, 1999, the company we both worked for laid me off in a "force management" campaign.  I was doing training, and they decided to outsource that function.  Despite having applied for about 500 positions in organization development and academia since then, I’ve found nothing. It’s been very tough and hasn’t done wonders for my self-esteem. My wife began to pull away from me soon after I lost my job.  She found it very difficult to deal with my depression and began to look elsewhere for support.  She had a very brief fling with another man in the spring of 2001 and then a more serious one last autumn.  We were going through couples counseling at the time, but although she would talk some and nod her head a lot during sessions, it never translated to any real effort on her part to address our issues once we left the therapist’s office. She said that because she’d been tempted by other men’s attentions, she couldn’t seem to recommit herself to our marriage.  I don’t remember the last time she told me she loves/d me. She kept telling me that if a relationship requires work, than it wasn’t meant to be.  She didn’t seem to recognize how hard I was working as the relationship’s caretaker.  She told me she was very close to leaving on a number of occasions but wasn’t positive it was the right thing to do, so she stayed put while continuing to sit on the fence.  I kept trying to reassure her that I had forgiven her for her wanderings, but I don’t think she ever forgave herself.  She also became very tired of being the center of my life.  Since I couldn’t drive and wasn’t working, she was the only social outlet I had, and I admit I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could.  Her response was to spend as little time as possible at home. I had pulled myself out of the deepest part of my depression during the holidays and had committed myself to doing everything I could to save my marriage.  Our therapist recognized this, and in February told me there was nothing more he could do for me or for the marriage until my wife made some changes to her attitudes and behavior.  At that point, he told me that he wanted to continue to work with my wife individually and that at some point we would begin conjoint sessions again.  Although I felt I was being sort of pushed out of the picture, I agreed to his plan, but that day never arrived. It seems that their major topic was commitment, and my wife decided that if she couldn’t commit to staying, she’d instead commit to leaving.  Her announcement took me completely by surprise, and feeling backed into a corner, I did a very stupid thing.  I told her that if she left me, I’d have nothing left to live for and would kill myself.  She dialed 911 and I found myself in lockdown at a crisis stabilization unit for four days. When I got home, she’d moved all of her clothing and all of our personal files and photographs out, as well as cleaning out our three joint bank accounts and taking all three of our cars.  She has since moved into an apartment after staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, and a truck came and took away three roomfulls of furniture. I don’t know where she’s living.  She won’t give me the address or phone number.  I can contact her at her work number or via e-mail, but I have stopped doing even that because the last time she was here she got very angry with me, called me every name in the book, and threw my bicycle against a wall.  She’s turned into someone I barely know.  I don’t know whether she is channeling her feelings of guilt into anger at me, but it feels that way.  She might also be going through the initial stages of menopause — she’s 44, and that’s about when the women in her family go through the change — so that might possibly have something to do with it.  (I know very little about this topic and would like to hear others’ views.)  All I know is that I’m frightened enough by her outbursts that I’ve asked my lawyer to petition the court that she be prohibited from entering the house. I know she was very frustrated by my inability to find work.  Even she has acknowledged that she was judging me on results rather than effort. Her answer is, "Tough, that’s the way the world works."  I suppose she’s come to see me as a hopeless loser or perhaps thinks I’m enjoying being out of work so I can sit around all day and count my toes.  She feels I wasn’t supporting her very well, but I’ve done everything I could since I lost my job to see to it that her life style was impacted as little as possible.  When she wanted a new car, we got her one, even though we had two others which were paid for and sitting idle.  And I have never once complained about the huge amounts of time and money she was spending on her figure skating hobby: Ice time, costumes, coaches, choreographers, personal trainers, etc.  Believe me, it adds up in a hurry. And the truth of the matter is that she wasn’t supporting me very well. She is not a patient person, nor nurturing nor empathetic.  Like so many engineers, she approached my problems by trying to find solutions rather than lending a tender ear when I needed one.  She seemed to feel that she was holding up her end of the bargain by bringing home a paycheck. And her paycheck was sufficient to cover our living expenses without any trouble.  We have no debt, never have.  As much as I want to work, I was not yet to the point where I thought it was a deal-breaker.  My plan had been to go in search of something to tide me over as soon as I was able to drive again.  I thought she’d be at least patient enough to wait for that.  (I should be driving again by the first of August, assuming she will bring one of the cars back.) I love my wife very, very much, despite all that’s happened, and hope that we can find some path to reconciliation.  However, I realize that the marriage wasn’t healthy and we have some serious work to do.  There is no way we can succeed unless she is willing to do some of the work. I cannot be the sole caretaker any longer.  At this point, she insists that she will not even consider reconciling, so I am trying very hard to move on without her while not slamming any doors behind me.  I’m finding it very difficult, though.  I’ve lost about forty pounds since she left, I’m not sleeping well if at all, and I cry at least a half a dozen times every day.  My psychiatrist has me taking two different anti-depressants (Wellbutrin, which I was already taking, and Remeron, which is supposed to help me sleep and increase my appetite).  I am also see a therapist once a week to address my feelings of anger, inadequacy, remorse, and hopelessness. Meanwhile, my wife seems to feel that our marriage was no more than a business arrangement that she can terminate unilaterally and walk away from without any regrets or responsibilities.  She is not supporting me in any way beyond continuing to pay the mortgage so we don’t default on the house, which she is pressuring me to put on the market as soon as possible.  She sneers contemptuously at me whenever I ask exactly how I am supposed to feed the

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Response:

Hello, all. My name is Steve.  I’ll be 51 in August.  The woman I am married to and I have been together for fourteen years, married for twelve and a half.   She is absolutely the love of my life.  Nine weeks ago, she walked out on me and has filed for divorce.  I’m devastated, and I’m turning to you for help.  I’ve been lurking for about a week now, but decided that it was time I introduced myself. My wife and I are very well-suited to one another.  She is an engineer, very logic-driven and practical.  I have a Ph. D. in psychology although I spent fifteen years working in an engineering environment at the same company where my wife is a technical manager.  I am a very emotional and romantic person, and my wife often told me that she was trusting me to be the caretaker of our relationship, especially since I’ve been married before and she hasn’t; in fact, her history with serious relationships was extremely bad and she looked at me at first as her knight in shining armor.  It always seemed to me that our strengths and weaknesses were a perfect complement to each other. We met in May, 1988 and were married on New Years Day, 1990.  For the first ten years of our marriage, I knew heaven.  We were both very well paid and could lavish our attention and passion on each other since we had decided not to have children.  As an example, she decided she’d like to spend her fortieth birthday in Paris so that’s what we did, including an extraordinary dinner at the Jules Verne halfway up the Eifel Tower to comemmortate the event, topped off with a sapphire-and-diamond ring I’d hidden inside a petit four for desert. Then things started to go wrong.  We were headed home after dinner out to celebrate her birthday in September, 1999 when I was pulled over for speeding and subsequently arrested for DUI.  Despite the fact that I had never even been stopped in the previous fifteen years I’d lived in this state, I lost my driving privileges which I am still trying to get back.   Then in November, 1999, the company we both worked for laid me off in a "force management" campaign.  I was doing training, and they decided to outsource that function.  Despite having applied for about 500 positions in organization development and academia since then, I’ve found nothing.   It’s been very tough and hasn’t done wonders for my self-esteem. My wife began to pull away from me soon after I lost my job.  She found it very difficult to deal with my depression and began to look elsewhere for support.  She had a very brief fling with another man in the spring of 2001 and then a more serious one last autumn.  We were going through couples counseling at the time, but although she would talk some and nod her head a lot during sessions, it never translated to any real effort on her part to address our issues once we left the therapist’s office.   She said that because she’d been tempted by other men’s attentions, she couldn’t seem to recommit herself to our marriage.  I don’t remember the last time she told me she loves/d me. She kept telling me that if a relationship requires work, than it wasn’t meant to be.  She didn’t seem to recognize how hard I was working as the relationship’s caretaker.  She told me she was very close to leaving on a number of occasions but wasn’t positive it was the right thing to do, so she stayed put while continuing to sit on the fence.  I kept trying to reassure her that I had forgiven her for her wanderings, but I don’t think she ever forgave herself.  She also became very tired of being the center of my life.  Since I couldn’t drive and wasn’t working, she was the only social outlet I had, and I admit I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could.  Her response was to spend as little time as possible at home. I had pulled myself out of the deepest part of my depression during the holidays and had committed myself to doing everything I could to save my marriage.  Our therapist recognized this, and in February told me there was nothing more he could do for me or for the marriage until my wife made some changes to her attitudes and behavior.  At that point, he told me that he wanted to continue to work with my wife individually and that at some point we would begin conjoint sessions again.  Although I felt I was being sort of pushed out of the picture, I agreed to his plan, but that day never arrived. It seems that their major topic was commitment, and my wife decided that if she couldn’t commit to staying, she’d instead commit to leaving.  Her announcement took me completely by surprise, and feeling backed into a corner, I did a very stupid thing.  I told her that if she left me, I’d have nothing left to live for and would kill myself.  She dialed 911 and I found myself in lockdown at a crisis stabilization unit for four days. When I got home, she’d moved all of her clothing and all of our personal files and photographs out, as well as cleaning out our three joint bank accounts and taking all three of our cars.  She has since moved into an apartment after staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, and a truck came and took away three roomfulls of furniture. I don’t know where she’s living.  She won’t give me the address or phone number.  I can contact her at her work number or via e-mail, but I have stopped doing even that because the last time she was here she got very angry with me, called me every name in the book, and threw my bicycle against a wall.  She’s turned into someone I barely know.  I don’t know whether she is channeling her feelings of guilt into anger at me, but it feels that way.  She might also be going through the initial stages of menopause — she’s 44, and that’s about when the women in her family go through the change — so that might possibly have something to do with it.  (I know very little about this topic and would like to hear others’ views.)  All I know is that I’m frightened enough by her outbursts that I’ve asked my lawyer to petition the court that she be prohibited from entering the house. I know she was very frustrated by my inability to find work.  Even she has acknowledged that she was judging me on results rather than effort.   Her answer is, "Tough, that’s the way the world works."  I suppose she’s come to see me as a hopeless loser or perhaps thinks I’m enjoying being out of work so I can sit around all day and count my toes.  She feels I wasn’t supporting her very well, but I’ve done everything I could since I lost my job to see to it that her life style was impacted as little as possible.  When she wanted a new car, we got her one, even though we had two others which were paid for and sitting idle.  And I have never once complained about the huge amounts of time and money she was spending on her figure skating hobby: Ice time, costumes, coaches, choreographers, personal trainers, etc.  Believe me, it adds up in a hurry. And the truth of the matter is that she wasn’t supporting me very well.   She is not a patient person, nor nurturing nor empathetic.  Like so many engineers, she approached my problems by trying to find solutions rather than lending a tender ear when I needed one.  She seemed to feel that she was holding up her end of the bargain by bringing home a paycheck. And her paycheck was sufficient to cover our living expenses without any trouble.  We have no debt, never have.  As much as I want to work, I was not yet to the point where I thought it was a deal-breaker.  My plan had been to go in search of something to tide me over as soon as I was able to drive again.  I thought she’d be at least patient enough to wait for that.  (I should be driving again by the first of August, assuming she will bring one of the cars back.) I love my wife very, very much, despite all that’s happened, and hope that we can find some path to reconciliation.  However, I realize that the marriage wasn’t healthy and we have some serious work to do.  There is no way we can succeed unless she is willing to do some of the work.   I cannot be the sole caretaker any longer.  At this point, she insists that she will not even consider reconciling, so I am trying very hard to move on without her while not slamming any doors behind me.  I’m finding it very difficult, though.  I’ve lost about forty pounds since she left, I’m not sleeping well if at all, and I cry at least a half a dozen times every day.  My psychiatrist has me taking two different anti-depressants (Wellbutrin, which I was already taking, and Remeron, which is supposed to help me sleep and increase my appetite).  I am also see a therapist once a week to address my feelings of anger, inadequacy, remorse, and hopelessness. Meanwhile, my wife seems to feel that our marriage was no more than a business arrangement that she can terminate unilaterally and walk away from without any regrets or responsibilities.  She is not supporting me in any way beyond continuing to pay the mortgage so we don’t default on the house, which she is pressuring me to put on the market as soon as possible.  She sneers contemptuously at me whenever I ask exactly how I am supposed to feed the cats and tells me to "go get a minimum wage job" so she is free to buy the new suits and boots she’s wearing whenever I see her.  It’s hard for me to believe she can sleep at night while being so cruel to the man who’s loved her faithfully for fourteen years. So, what do you think?  Am I crazy for wishing we will get back together again?  Should I still be crying every day after nine weeks alone?  Most everyone I’ve talked to about this condemns her behavior and tells me I am better off without her, but I still love her very much and cherish my memories of the good times.  And I believe there could be many more good times to come.  No, she’s not the easiest person in the world to love or to live with — Who is?  Certainly not me! —

… read more »

Response:

If there was a God, why wouldn't he/it/she/they …

Question:

… 1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation? 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go? 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us? 4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain? 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing? 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts? 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net  Pro-Humanist FREELOVER Daily  http://freelover.home.att.net ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Response:

I am an Agnostic leaning more towards atheist, but I can probably offer theoretical answers to all/most of these 1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation?

if you owned a dog (lesser life form) would you feel compelled to tell it everything you know or feel the need to let it share everything you do? 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go?

I think the idea is we use our time on earth to let him know if we deserve to get into heaven. 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us?

If you take the term god as meaning all powerful there could really only be one. 7) Communicate with us, like, for real?

do you deem your dog worthy of communication, any more than "SIT". Perhaps we are insignificant to him. 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing?

See point 7 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us?

Again using the dog analogy, usually people have the attitude, do as I say not do as I do. Maybe he lives by a different set of rules, or maybe no rules at all

Response:

I will give it a try….. If you want to understand God, look to man, we were created in his image, so we have the same motivations. God has given us everything we need, he has set up the universe ( experiment ) and is observing the results ( rats in a maze ). He takes pleasure when we suceed, ( reach the cheese) and is sad when we dont, However, he does not perturb the experiment by fixing things, if he did there would be no point to the existence of the universe.   He can work within the probibilities, but as for violating the laws of physics….nope. 1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation?

So, the answer is there would be no point to existance. why run an experiment, play a game, watch a play, enter into a relationship, if you know every answer, feeling, moment before hand. 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go?

The initial conditions of the experiment, the premise of the sit com, …etc 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us?

The cosmos is not infinite, its a closed universe. 4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain?

Again, would make the experiment invalid.  You can’t have ying without yang, joy without pain, there is no point in playing the game if we are all winners…..its human nature, capitalism, evolution, call it what you will, survival of the fittest. 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing? 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts? 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us?

again what would be the point of existance if one ( or mankind as a whole) could not improve, grow, face challenges, overcome problems….etc. Life in Eden is not Eden for man, it is not in our nature to be content, happy, fat, feed and complacent…..well at least not the best amoung us…..

Response:

I am an Agnostic leaning more towards atheist, but I can probably offer theoretical answers to all/most of these 1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation? if you owned a dog (lesser life form) would you feel compelled to tell it everything you know or feel the need to let it share everything you do?

If you owned a dog, would you never pet, feed, clothe, talk to, take care of, nurture it, acting as if you didn’t exist, telling it (supposedly through other ancestor dogs that lived almost 2,000 years ago and older) that it must "believe in you"? Probably not, as that would call into question whether or not you even existed, unless the dog could smell you, but in this analogy, you don’t even exist so all the dog can do is imagine it can smell you – poor dog. By the way, would you threaten your dog with eternal hellfire if it didn’t "believe" you existed? If so, would that make you a demon, rather than a god? 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go? I think the idea is we use our time on earth to let him know if we deserve to get into heaven.

Actually, most faiths require either a combination of "just believe" and "acts" or mere "just believe and beg for forgiveness" to earn the supposed immortality gig. 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us? If you take the term god as meaning all powerful there could really only be one.

Why? Do the math – you take this universe, I’ll take the next one, etc…, and if all-powerful, explain the pain suffered by children. I know, not god’s fault ’cause it’s an irresponsible entity … 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? do you deem your dog worthy of communication, any more than "SIT". Perhaps we are insignificant to him.

Perhaps it doesn’t exist (see 1). 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing? See point 7

See reply to 1. Hey, where did question 9 go? 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts? 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us? Again using the dog analogy, usually people have the attitude, do as I say not do as I do. Maybe he lives by a different set of rules, or maybe no rules at all

How does such a supposed being differ from one just whooped up out of the human imagination? – - – ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net  Pro-Humanist FREELOVER Daily  http://freelover.home.att.net ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I will give it a try….. If you want to understand God, look to man, we were created in his image, so we have the same motivations. God has given us everything we need, he has set up the universe ( experiment ) and is observing the results ( rats in a maze ). He takes pleasure when we suceed, ( reach the cheese) and is sad when we dont, However, he does not perturb the experiment by fixing things, if he did there would be no point to the existence of the universe.   He can work within the probibilities, but as for violating the laws of physics….nope.

Now, wait a minute, that’s the big claim/affirmation of many faiths, the "miracles" … do away with those violations of physics, and all you’ve got is "make believe". 1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation? So, the answer is there would be no point to existance. why run an experiment, play a game, watch a play, enter into a relationship, if you know every answer, feeling, moment before hand.

What you call an experiment, I call reality. As for evidence there’s a sky daddy experimenting, got anything other than "make believe" and an ancient document loaded with myth/deceit/contradictions to support that position? 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go? The initial conditions of the experiment, the premise of the sit com, …etc

The pain suffered by humans, the horror, the misery, and yet you try to elevate the life experience to the level of a rat in a maze … seems such a god would be a demon, if your experiment postulation is accurate. 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us? The cosmos is not infinite, its a closed universe.

Oh? Is that theoretical or a supposition of biblical? By the by, with all the solar systems and planets being discovered, it’s becoming increasingly likely that life is spread throughout the universe, but not to worry, what with the v – - – - a – - – - s – - – - t beyond vast distances between life entities, it’s not all that likely we’ll ever come face-to-face with other life forms . . . You see, something the human mind is incapable of comprehending is the vast numbers of stars, solar systems, planets, galaxies and the vast beyond vast distances between every single entity … here’s a small sampling trying to put it into something the human mind can comprehend … – - – - – - Size of the Universe – - – - – - A perspective on the size of the universe… If the entire solar system were reduced to the size of a grain of sand, our Milky Way galaxy would be *21 kilometers* across and our nearest big galaxy, Andromeda, would be *483 kilometers* away. The size of the observable universe, on this scale, would be *over 4 million kilometers*. A quote from -Imagining the Universe: A Visual Journey- … "Although the universe may be finite, it is unbounded. No matter where one is, one appears to be at its center. We cannot talk usefully about what lies beyond the limits of the universe, because space itself can only be defined by the matter it contains. As to what matter space does contain there is great mystery. Most of the matter in space–perhaps 90 percent of it–is invisible." — Radius of the Earth = 6,400 kilometers Distance to the Moon = 400,000 kilometers Distance to the Sun = 150,000,000 (150 million) kilometers Distance to Pluto = 6,000,000,000 (6 billion) kilometers Distance to Proxima Centauri (our nearest star extant from the sun) = 40,000,000,000,000 (40 trillion) kilometers Number of stars in the Milky Way galaxy = most estimates have the figure pegged at 400,000,000,000 (400 billion) Distance to Sirius (the brightest star in the sky) = 80,000,000,000,000 (80 trillion) kilometers Size of the Milky Way galaxy = 450,000,000,000,000,000 (450 quadrillion) kilometers Number of galaxies similar to the Milky Way galaxy in the universe = over 100,000,000 (100 million) Number of galaxies in the universe (total of all kinds) = over 80,000,000,000 (80 billion) Distance to the Andromeda galaxy, the nearest big galaxy (to the Milky Way galaxy) = 21,000,000,000,000,000,000 (21 quintillion) kilometers The Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies are part of the "local" galaxy cluster of about 30 galaxies, the size of which is = 30,000,000,000,000,000,000 (30 quintillion) kilometers The size of the observable universe = 180,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (180 sextillion) kilometers – - – Numeric reference chart: 1 kilometer = 0.62 miles American system used for large numbers: million … number followed by 6 zeroes billion … number followed by 9 zeroes trillion … number followed by 12 zeroes quadrillion … number followed by 15 zeroes quintillion … number followed by 18 zeroes sextillion … number followed by 21 zeroes – - – – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – 4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain? Again, would make the experiment invalid.  You can’t have ying without yang, joy without pain, there is no point in playing the game if we are all winners…..its human nature, capitalism, evolution, call it what you will, survival of the fittest. 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing? 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts? 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us? again what would be the point of existance if one ( or mankind as a whole) could not improve, grow, face challenges, overcome problems….etc. Life in Eden is not Eden for man, it is not in our nature to be content, happy, fat, feed and complacent…..well at least not the best amoung us…..

It’s at the core of our very nature to delight in being happy, content, fed, clothed, sheltered, loved, desired, empowered. Per faith myths, that’s heaven. Per your experiment analogy, god either doesn’t exist or is evil to the bone, like a scientist who would delight in watching rats suffer, yet making damn sure the scientist was not blamed for their suffering – poor rats. – - –  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net

Response:

He can work within the probibilities, but as for violating the laws of physics….nope. Now, wait a minute, that’s the big claim/affirmation of many faiths, the "miracles" … do away with those violations of physics, and all you’ve got is "make believe".

If He exists, He can of course violate the laws of physics, but he does not.  However, one can do a lot with probabilities and quantum mechanics… Heisenburg may had trolled here….ha physics humor. What you call an experiment, I call reality. As for evidence there’s a sky daddy experimenting, got anything other than "make believe" and an ancient document loaded with myth/deceit/contradictions to support that position?

Absolutely no evidence whatsoever.  I can make many arugments pointing to statisitcal flukes of our existance, supernova’s making heavy elements, our sun being just right, water expanding and getting less dense when solid water existing in all three states on the surface   of the earth. Magnetic field protecting us from ionizing radiation. ozone protecting us from UV. Heck free oxegen in the atmosphere is miraculous. Intelligence and language coming out of evolution. HOWEVER, the old argument holds, we would not be here to observe all the flukes if everything was not just right. So no proof whatsoever, but does make ya think… the odds of our existence are so small, is it actually not a possibility of God sparking and guiding the universe. The pain suffered by humans, the horror, the misery, and yet you try to elevate the life experience to the level of a rat in a maze … seems such a god would be a demon, if your experiment postulation is accurate.

would the rat perfer not to exist?  Would you perfer not to exist.  The universe provides us all we require to be happy and experience Joy. That is a gift, what we make of the gift speaks to our nature, not the universes. The cosmos is not infinite, its a closed universe. Oh? Is that theoretical or a supposition of biblical?

Theoretical, the universe if a vacuum fluctuation, think of a bubble appering coke ( ie the big bang ), inside the bubble is a little, coke, water vapor, sugar floating around in the gas phase….that is the stuff in the vaccum fluctuation, or us.  The universe is expanding but closed. it’s becoming increasingly likely that life is spread throughout the universe,

That is still a large unknown, but would be cool. You see, something the human mind is incapable of comprehending is the vast numbers of stars, solar systems, planets, galaxies and the vast beyond vast distances between every single entity …

Yes we can, the human mind is amazing, math can demonstrate it all quite well, expressed as physics, chem etc….. It’s at the core of our very nature to delight in being happy, content, fed, clothed, sheltered, loved, desired, empowered.

I would say we WANT to be all those things, but are never satisfied, or Happy enough, we always want a softer bed…….or faster internet connection. Per faith myths, that’s heaven. Per your experiment analogy, god either doesn’t exist or is evil to the bone, like a scientist who would delight in watching rats suffer, yet making damn sure the scientist was not blamed for their suffering – poor rats.

A rat man god analogy fails, rats are not made in our image. Better yet, if we ever succed in AI, then we would take joy is the AI’s accomplishments, not joy in its failures, but joy in it learning from its failure. I am a humanist, humans rule…..in the entire ayn rand philosopical way…..but I cannot observe the universe with all the things that had to be just so, and accept that it is all just a cosmic fluke. But I could be wrong, I often am….lol

Response:

1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation? God created us with  free will and therefor had to give us the opportunity to either serve him or ourselves.  unfortunately out ancestors chose the latter even with the complete knowledge of his existence. God doesn’t desire our forced worship of him therefore he doesn’t walk up to our front door and tell us we must obey him or he will toss us in a pit of fire.  

That doesn’t address the question. Knowledge was the issue … where is it? The supposed god provided none. As to your second point, worship, what’s up with that? That sounds like a master-slave setup, doesn’t it? As for free will, you are bounded by your genes, memes, life experiences (including memes and the physicality of your environment), and random activity of the brain. Doesn’t seem all that "free" to me. 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go? All people are instinctively aware of the presence of God.  are there (or have there been) any civilization that were apart from the common world that did not have some sort of gods?  I’ve never heard of a atheist lost tribe in africa.  

That doesn’t address the question. If we’re born in heaven, living free of pain-death-disease-suffering, wouldn’t that be the path you would create for beings if you truly loved them? The natural history record reflects hundreds of millions of years of death, pain, suffering, and horror (for example, you wouldn’t have wanted to be around on earth around 65 million years ago, as a 6-mile wide rock hit the earth – the creatures existing at the time, unfortunately, had no choice in the matter) … 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us? I believe that before man sinned (in the garden of eden) many more dimensions of out universe were probably open to us and we had abilities beyond what out mortal bodies are able of.  I mean when the serpent talked to Eve she wasn’t shocked the this snake was talking to her. so I wonder what other abilities were removed from us when man sinned?

You are aware than the Genesis story is myth, aren’t you? 4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain? Pain began as a result of man’s sin against God.   before Jesus comes back to cast out satin and rule over the earth with his believers many more horrible things will and must happen in the world.  Satin is a large reason for why allot of pain will continue.

So, I suffer because some guy did a no-no? Sorry, I ain’t buying it. You should seek counsel from the likes of educated honest theologians like John Spong, and become accustomed to the mythical nature of the philosophies/characters used by the bible writers. Clue – the bible is not, in substantial measure, historically accurate material, even though it does have humans and places that actually existed, the documents are surrounded by mythical/magical humans/beings/places used in the mythos of the day and age in which the documents were constructed and reconstructed (said reconstruction con- tinuing in the current day). It’s a construct used by humans to try to make sense of their world (along with a host of other reasons humans created other-worldly beings/places/events to try to fill in the unknowns of existence with superstitions and myths known as religion). 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? see answer 1

Communication does not beg for slavery, as you imply from your answer to 1. Not unless, of course, god wants us to be slaves – if that’s the case, that’s what awaits you in the supposed heaven you believe is the fate of those who follow the "right" god and the "right" way of dealing with that god. 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing? We are lucky he didn’t completely destroy the earth and man at the time of the flood. We are lucky we have the opportunity to talk to God at all.  

There was no worldwide flood. The flood to which you refer is an ancient myth. As for floods and other events that are evidenced in the naturalistic record, see the science books on natural history (and do your- self a favor, steer clear of the creationist religion for your science facts) for bounteous details on the many freezing-flooding-volcano erupting-asteroid/comet impact events which have dramatically effected life on earth for billions of years … 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts? 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us? That is exactly why he created us to have a relationship just like that, but God despises sin and cant stand to be around it.  that’s why he sent his son to pay for our sin so that we can have a relationship Him again.

See reply to your reply on question 6, above. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net  Pro-Humanist FREELOVER Daily  http://freelover.home.att.net ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Response:

Thanks for the reply. Some excellent points. Rather than address the points one-by-one, I’ll speak to the wonder some have over everything being "just right" for us to be here. That could be debated from several standpoints, but I’ll approach it from the following single view, in this post … If the chances of there being something like "us" was 1 in a trillion to the trillionth power -and- there was a trillion in a trillion to the trillionth power of "openings/ possibilities" for something like "us", ever (in other words, an all-but infinite number of chances for there to be an "us", ever) … well then, it would be quite astonishing if not even one of something like "us" ever existed … point in fact, the closer one gets to infinite "openings/possibilities", given *any* chance of something like "us", it becomes all-but certain something like "us" will, in fact, be … Nearing infinity, the chances for "us" are so high that one would expect not only "us", but many entities like "us", to exist within the scope of all that ever was or ever will be, no matter what the odds are construed to be … In other words, it matters not one iota what the per- ceived odds are for "us", what matters, purely mathe- matically speaking, are the "openings/possibilities" (an open unbounded set, for no one has yet to limit exist- ence to any time/place/universe/dimension, giving one an unlimited possibility for there to be something like "us"). Even if the odds could be argued down to an all-but infinitely small chance of something like "us" being, the presence of a much larger open set ("openings/possibil- ities" to the all-but infinite -if not infinite- degree) would all-but make something like "us" an all-but certainty many times over … I know, hard to follow, there. You might think of it as the all-but certainty of "us" or something like "us" existing many times over given a much greater and all-but limitless "open set" – the realm of possibilities, only limited by the physics of all that is or all that has been or ever can be, anywhere, any when, any way, any time, any place, any dimension, ever … You see, the problem with the "oh, there must be a god because the odds against us existing are so high and, hey, here we are" crowd is that they view "us" as existing within a finite set, a finite time (only possible since the big bang or since god said … let there be light), a closed cosmos (all that is or that can be bounded by all that occurred in our dimension since the big bang or since god said … let there be light). With all those "limitations/assumptions", they then boast that the odds of "us" being here are only applicable to that finite set of possibilities (what they think of as all that is, ever has been, or ever could be). Given a big bang (or a god / let there be light event), they assume that the events which transpired were the beginning of all events (i.e., they assume eternal nothingness [aside from god, of course] prior to the big bang and our uni- verse as the entire set, all that is / has been / ever can be) … However, as theoretical physics and exploration of the quantum world has unveiled, there are many naturalistic theories that unveil the "open set" I refer to above, the big bang as being nothing but an event, one of an all-but infinite number of events, along the continuum of the fabric of all that is / has been / ever can be.   Much of theoretical physics entails exploration of the possibilities, nay, probabilities of multiple dimensions, multiple universes, alternate physics, and, in essence, a cosmos continuum of which our "little" universe and "time" are but a minute part. Very important to us, but nevertheless, all-but infinitely tiny within the all-but infinite -if not infinite- "open set". To sum up, given all of the above, we’re still left with tween entities capable of life within our tiny portion of space/time/matter/energy within the "open set" … even if sentient life were present at the current time in only 1 of every 100,000 solar systems (note – 1 in 100,000 is quite an arbitrary figure used for example purposes … the actual frequency of sentient life may be much higher or much lower), given that the number of solar systems is estimated (again, arbitrary estimate based on recent discoveries of the likelihood that solar systems are quite likely a naturalistic element of a high percentage of star systems) to be something on the order of …  80 billion (~number of galaxies in the universe) X 100 billion (~average solar systems per galaxy) 8,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (8 sextillion) total solar systems in the universe do the math – the universe would then contain 80,000,000,000,000,000 (80 quadrillion) solar systems with sentient life However, keep in mind that due to the vast beyond vast distances between galaxies and between solar systems within galaxies, almost all of that sentient life is beyond our reach – in fact, the only sentient life we could even dream of contacting without such fancy things as worm holes and the warping of space, are within our single lonely galaxy, the Milky Way. In essence, 79,999,999,999 galaxies beyond our reach, and only 1 with any hope of "contact" … within that one galaxy, how many solar systems with sentient life based on the 1 in 100,000 form- la above? 1 million … wow … However, we’re still talking vast distances here and a small fraction of solar systems with sentient life, so we best get busy looking if we ever expect to find even one of the vast numbers of sentient beings in our galaxy, and as for contacting them … and/or hearing from them … well … don’t hold your breath, even within our single galaxy, the distances between solar systems with sentient life are so great that we may never be able to have meaningful contact with even one sentient creature extant our itsy bitsy piece of the cosmos, our home, mother earth … – - –  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net  Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://freelover.home.att.net – - – – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – He can work within the probabilities, but as for violating the laws of physics….nope. Now, wait a minute, that’s the big claim/affirmation of many faiths, the "miracles" … do away with those violations of physics, and all you’ve got is "make believe". If He exists, He can of course violate the laws of physics, but he does not.  However, one can do a lot with probabilities and quantum mechanics… Heisenburg may had trolled here….ha physics humor. What you call an experiment, I call reality. As for evidence there’s a sky daddy experimenting, got anything other than "make believe" and an ancient document loaded with myth/deceit/contradictions to support that position? Absolutely no evidence whatsoever.  I can make many arguments pointing to statistical flukes of our existence, supernova’s making heavy elements, our sun being just right, water expanding and getting less dense when solid water existing in all three states on the surface   of the earth. Magnetic field protecting us from ionizing radiation. ozone protecting us from UV. Heck free oxygen in the atmosphere is miraculous. Intelligence and language coming out of evolution. HOWEVER, the old argument holds, we would not be here to observe all the flukes if everything was not just right. So no proof whatsoever, but does make ya think… the odds of our existence are so small, is it actually not a possibility of God sparking and guiding the universe. The pain suffered by humans, the horror, the misery, and yet you try to elevate the life experience to the level of a rat in a maze … seems such a god would be a demon, if your experiment postulation is accurate. would the rat prefer not to exist?  Would you prefer not to exist.  The universe provides us all we require to be happy and experience Joy. That is a gift, what we make of the gift speaks to our nature, not the universes. The cosmos is not infinite, its a closed universe. Oh? Is that theoretical or a supposition of biblical? Theoretical, the universe if a vacuum fluctuation, think of a bubble appearing coke ( i.e. the big bang ), inside the bubble is a little, coke, water vapor, sugar floating around in the gas phase….that is the stuff in the vacuum fluctuation, or us.  The universe is expanding but closed. it’s becoming increasingly likely that life is spread throughout the universe, That is still a large unknown, but would be cool. You see, something the human mind is incapable of comprehending is the vast numbers of stars, solar systems, planets, galaxies and the vast beyond vast distances between every single entity … Yes we can, the human mind is amazing, math can demonstrate it all quite well, expressed as physics, chem etc….. It’s at the core of our very nature to delight in being happy, content, fed, clothed, sheltered, loved, desired, empowered. I would say we WANT to be all those things, but are never satisfied, or Happy enough, we always want a softer bed…….or faster internet connection. Per faith myths, that’s heaven. Per your experiment analogy, god either doesn’t exist or is evil to the bone, like a scientist who would delight in watching rats suffer, yet making damn sure the scientist was not blamed for their suffering – poor rats. A rat man god analogy fails, rats are not

… read more »

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Morning Dan……it would be much easier for me to argue your side.  Your best argument is the one no one can deny, that regaurdless of how faint the odds are of us existing will all the things that had to align just so, it had to of happened because we are here to observe it……no mirical, the odds of throwing six dice and getting six six’s is small, but if it happens and you observe it, it happened, no mirical. on you your arguments…. the closer one gets to infinite "openings/possibilities", given *any* chance of something like "us", it becomes all-but certain something like "us" will, in fact, be … Nearing infinity, the chances for "us" are so high that one would expect not only "us", but many entities like "us", to exist within the scope of all that ever was or ever will be, no matter what the odds are construed to be …

I understand what you are saying, but the flaw in this argument is that the universe is closed…it # suns, # of suns with planets, # of planets with H20 in all three states, # of planets with an oxidizing atmosphere, # of planets with fuel just laying around under the ground….. all of these may be large, but they are not infinite, and if they are not infinite, then they are infinitely water. Even if the odds could be argued down to an all-but infinitely small chance of something like "us" being, the presence of a much larger open set ("openings/possibil- ities" to the all-but infinite -if not infinite- degree) would all-but make something like "us" an all-but certainty many times over …

No true, Carl Sagan in the show Cosoms showed the equation where you do the calculation of #suns – # bad suns – # suns with no planets – # suns with no appropriate planets, – # planets with caustic enviornment, – # planets in which life just does not develope, – # panets where intellegent life does not develope, – the civilizations that self destruct…… and shows that with our best estimates its either 1000’s in our galaxy or 1 in a few trillian against, regaurdless, the numbers are graspable, and no where near the numbers which say its a given… However, as theoretical physics and exploration of the quantum world has unveiled, there are many naturalistic theories that unveil the "open set" I refer to above, the big bang as being nothing but an event, one of an all-but infinite number of events, along the continuum of the fabric of all that is / has been / ever can be.

once again, there are many ‘theories’, but the most favorable ones don’t support your arguments on the open set, in fact I know of no unified field theorys which include the open set as a basis. I will grant you that there is no evidience in the existance of God….it is not a provable suposition. However, with out the Concept of God, with out a higher right and wrong that that provided by Nature, I would see no reason why If I could kill my neigbor, take his car, wife, and house…..because I could….natural selection. Heck our civilization has stopped our evolution, if not infact has reversed it by saving the weak, incompetent, frail and letting them procreate…..with out God and a Moral code generated from a higher plane, you can do all the hand waving you want, but and rational naturalistic moral code would not be anything we accept and recognize.

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Morning Dan……it would be much easier for me to argue your side.  Your best argument is the one no one can deny, that regardless of how faint the odds are of us existing will all the things that had to align just so, it had to of happened because we are here to observe it……no miracle, the odds of throwing six dice and getting six six’s is small, but if it happens and you observe it, it happened, no miracle. on you your arguments…. the closer one gets to infinite "openings/possibilities", given *any* chance of something like "us", it becomes all-but certain something like "us" will, in fact, be … Nearing infinity, the chances for "us" are so high that one would expect not only "us", but many entities like "us", to exist within the scope of all that ever was or ever will be, no matter what the odds are construed to be … I understand what you are saying, but the flaw in this argument is that the universe is closed…it # suns, # of suns with planets, # of planets with H20 in all three states, # of planets with an oxidizing atmosphere, # of planets with fuel just laying around under the ground….. all of these may be large, but they are not infinite, and if they are not infinite, then they are infinitely water.

Two comments – 1) the "open set" includes all that ever was, is, ever will be, inclusive and external to our knowledge of that which is which is limited to our universe and times from now back to a point somewhat after the big bang (aside, of course, from theoretical physics which goes where no human has ever gone and, perhaps, ever can go), 2) the vast distances referred to … we have yet to move 1 atom forward in our search for life – it’s a huge universe, after all, and no one can assure us that the naturalistic proclivity for life, which manifested itself on earth, is not present in a plethora of locales (80 quadrillion mentioned in the previous post). – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Even if the odds could be argued down to an all-but infinitely small chance of something like "us" being, the presence of a much larger open set ("openings/possibil- ities" to the all-but infinite -if not infinite- degree) would all-but make something like "us" an all-but certainty many times over … No true, Carl Sagan in the show Cosmos showed the equation where you do the calculation of #suns – # bad suns – # suns with no planets – # suns with no appropriate planets, – # planets with caustic environment, – # planets in which life just does not develop, – # planets where intelligent life does not develop, – the civilizations that self destruct…… and shows that with our best estimates its either 1000’s in our galaxy or 1 in a few trillion against, regardless, the numbers are graspable, and no where near the numbers which say its a given…

Actually, at the time Carl made his estimate, knowledge of the extent of the presence of other solar systems was not present -and- doubts regarding the ability of intelligent life to survive its intellectual adolescence (due in large part to Carl’s fears regarding the U.S. – Soviet nuclear arms race) were high. Also, Carl was not using the "open set", he was using the out-of-fashion "closed set" (our universe, one chance, and this time-span being all that ever has existed), a mindset which has faded significantly over the past few years. However, as theoretical physics and exploration of the quantum world has unveiled, there are many naturalistic theories that unveil the "open set" I refer to above, the big bang as being nothing but an event, one of an all-but infinite number of events, along the continuum of the fabric of all that is / has been / ever can be. once again, there are many ‘theories’, but the most favorable ones don’t support your arguments on the open set, in fact I know of no unified field theories which include the open set as a basis.

Actually, I’m unaware of what ‘favored’ theory you are referring to, for to choose one that doesn’t explain all is, by definition, an admission that the "open set" is possible (even if unlikely) … Here’s a recent theory for you to consider that includes the "open set", in this case viewing our presence at this time as a result of a "cyclic uni- verse" …  http://freelover.home.att.net/2002/02/09_to_14.htm A Recycled Universe Monday, February 11, 2002 Excerpts from an article which might lead one to con- template all that is from a perspective far removed from traditional religions (well, far removed from traditional religions of the monotheistic god, though quite at home with many of the cyclic ideas prevalent in eastern reli- gions like hinduism / buddhism / taoism / confuscian- ism …) and quite apart from the notion that the big bang was "the" one and only big bang … Quite a mental exercise required here, as contemplating the physical nature of reality requires an almost infinitely greater amount of mental effort than does the cop out from ancient myth (and the childhood of most in non- eastern cultures) known as "god (or allah or the sky daddy) did it" … – - – begin excerpts – - –  http://danfakepix.home.att.net/recycled1.jpg Universal cycle of birth and rebirth – Big bangs result when two 10-dimensional "branes" collide (1) and expand (2) and then collide again (4). In this scenario, our universe (3) marks just one phase in this infinite cycle. … A universal cycle of birth and rebirth occurs every trillion years or so, according to one new cosmology. … The big bang clearly marks some kind of first. That fearsome flash of energy and expansion of space set in motion everything our eyes and telescopes can see today. But on its own, the big bang theory would leave us in a curved universe where matter and energy aren’t well mixed. In fact, we now know that spacetime is flat and that galaxies and radiation are evenly distributed throughout. To shore up the big bang theory, cosmologists proposed that the universe began with a burst of exponential expan- sion from a single uniform patch of space, whose stamp remains on the cosmos to this day. Such inflationary cosmologies have worked so well they’ve crowded out all the competition. During this past year, however, one group of researchers has started to challenge that idea’s preeminence, though the field of cosmology has yet to be completely taken with the new approach. Drawing on some cutting-edge but unproved notions in particle physics, the challengers interpret the big bang as a violent clash between higher-dimensional objects. In the latest installment to the saga, the authors of this interpretation have found a way to turn that single clash into a never-ending struggle that rears its fiery head every trillion years or so, making our universe just one phase in an infinite cycle of birth and rebirth. … String theory has spawned more than one attempt to do away with the big bang singularity. Read about it here.  http://www.sciam.com/explorations/2002/021102cyclic/string.html … strings could also exist in a more fundamental, 11-dimensional theory. They collapsed one of these dimensions mathematically into a minuscule line, yielding an 11-dimensional spacetime, flanked on either side by two 10-dimensional membranes, or branes, colorfully dubbed "end of the world" branes. One brane would have physical laws like our own universe. From there, … six of those 10 dimensions could be made extremely small, effectively hiding them from everyday view and leaving the traditional four dimensions of space and time. … By turning back the clock in string theory, they found that as our universal brane passed through its starting singularity in reverse, it went suddenly from a state of intense but finite heat and density to one that was cold, flat and mostly empty. In the process, it shed another kind of brane into the 11-dimensional gap. Run forward in time, the big bang appeared as nothing more than two branes smacking into each other like cymbals. They christened this process the ekpyrotic model, after the ancient Greek "conflagration" cosmology wherein the universe is born in and evolves from a fiery explosion. … the singularity could be interpreted as a collision be- tween the two "end of the world" branes, in which only the gap dimension separating them shrinks down to zero for an instant. … The pre-bang universe had to be dark, flat and infinite, seemingly by fiat. But why should it have begun in such a state? The answer, according to the latest work from Steinhardt and Turok, has to do with dark energy, the force that is driving the galaxies apart at ever-increasing speeds. Drained Branes – As the universe accelerates, it will be- come harder for light to travel between distant corners of space. Over time, galaxies will become isolated from their neigh- bors; stars will wink out; black holes will evaporate quan- tum mechanically into radiation; even that radiation will be diluted in a sea of space. The universe could end up much as the ekpyrotic model suggests it should appear before the big bang. … the dark energy, combined with the milder singularity of the ekpyrotic model, provides a tidy way of setting up a cyclic universe. Our brane and its counterpart would bounce off each other as usual, but instead of going their separate ways, they would smack each other again and again as if con- nected by a spring. This attractive force between branes would in fact be a special case of the kind of force that inflationary cos- mologies posit to explain the early universe’s blowup. The branes’ oscillating motion would work to pump … read more »

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – … 1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation? 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go? 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us? 4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain? 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing? 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts? 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net  Pro-Humanist FREELOVER Daily  http://freelover.home.att.net ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Lets not forget the god that made us was jehovah/yahweh.If you know about

gnosticism you will know what i’m on about…

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Morning Dan, I think we have to switch positions now, as a physist, I dont think philosopers should medel in the physical discription of the universe….lol Math is the only thing that will do the job.  There is ’stuff’ we don’t know, but we do understand the basic structure, and workings of the universe. Electromagnetic, gravity, strong and weak nuclear forces…..that pretty much raps it up.  Worrying about if there were 22 or 11 dimensions .0002 seconds after the big bang is interesting, but does not change the structure of the universe as we observe it today.   Now on to arguing both sides….first as to open set, or closed set, we can only concern ourselves with our universe, it is all there is as far as we are concerned.  It is unfair to throw in that there are infinite other universes…….since as you say then all is possible….. ahh but the catch 22 of you POV…. If there are infinite universes, and an open set with infinite possibilities, than there is a almost finite probablility or a God existing somewhere, no? Gotta get more coffee…

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Morning Dan, I think we have to switch positions now, as a physicist, I don’t think philosophers should meddle in the physical description of the universe….lol Math is the only thing that will do the job.  There is ’stuff’ we don’t know, but we do understand the basic structure, and workings of the universe. Electromagnetic, gravity, strong and weak nuclear forces…..that pretty much raps it up.  Worrying about if there were 22 or 11 dimensions .0002 seconds after the big bang is interesting, but does not change the structure of the universe as we observe it today.   Now on to arguing both sides….first as to open set, or closed set, we can only concern ourselves with our universe, it is all there is as far as we are concerned.  It is unfair to throw in that there are infinite other universes…….since as you say then all is possible…..

No, actually what I meant to say is that if the odds of something like "us" existing, ever, is present but much smaller than the all but infinite –if not infinite– opportunities for something like "us" to exist, then it’s all-but certain that something like "us" would exist, within a physical world, constrained by phys- ical law, at some point, and probable that multiple instances of something like "us" would exist over the endless sojourn throughout all that ever was, is, or ever will be … ahh but the catch 22 of you POV…. If there are infinite universes, and an open set with infinite possibilities, than there is a almost finite probability or a God existing somewhere, no?

The "open set" refers to the naturalistic physical cosmos of all that ever was, is, or ever will be. As to all its properties, that is yet unknown but is open to exploration and scientific theory, including that existing within the area of mathematics and that which is explorable within the areas of physical law. You’d have to define what you mean by "a God existing somewhere", as it appears that you’re saying that if the "open set" includes all that ever was, is, or ever will be, and if our particular uni- verse is not inclusive of all that ever was, is, or ever will be, that there must be a God in there somewhere, and I simply don’t follow your logic. Perhaps you’re trying to construct the odds of a God as being greater than zero, and then having God be a result of natural law, but most folks, while comfortable with the odds of a God being greater than zero, imagine God to actually be the creator of the physical world, an entity apart from the physical world, always existent, not a result of natural law, but instead, a part of supernatural omnipotence, quite a different conjecture altogether than are the odds of something like "us" existing, ever, within an "open set". The constraint of the "open set" is physical law, not unlimited possibilities for anything including that outside the scope of physical law (i.e., that which is called supernatural or make believe) actually existing. Something like "us", considered purely as a phys- ical construct, a result of a naturalistic cosmos, with limitations within the boundaries of physical law, a naturalistic entity, a reality, is an entirely different point of consideration than is some- thing like a God or a comic book character being real rather than imaginary … scientists have yet to find God existing anywhere other than in the ima- gination of the human brain. One suspects that the God concept is an outgrowth of our evolution and would be wise to consider the way in which the human brain was slowly turned on (through hundreds of millions of years of evolution) when viewed from the current position of the species, -and- the way in which the human brain of every surviving fertilized human egg is slowly turned on during gesta- tion, barely starting to work many weeks after con- ception, trying to make sense of its dark/mysterious/ wet world in which sounds and nourishment are its initial introduction to what will become, if it’s lucky, an exit through an incredibly tiny space into a myster- ious world in which large beings are scurrying about and babbling strange sounds that are much clearer now than they were back in the good ol’ wet womb days … and … ahhh, a nipple, must have nipple … hmmmmmmm, go(o)d … – - –  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net  Pro-Humanist FREELOVER Daily  http://freelover.home.att.net – - – – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Gotta get more coffee…

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Ok Dan, My heart is not in it, cause you are correct within the bounds of any rationl, logical, fact driven argument…… My right brain say, duh, of course…. But I still observe the universe in awe, and can not bring myself to accept that the fact that I am observing it is nothing more that a statistical fluke.  Call it ego, huberus, or weakness that requires me to believe I am something more than  a fluke of a temporary increase of entrophy. And I still maintain if there were no higher moral plane, then dog eat dog would be the norm, and I would take my neighbor’s wife, house and car if I could.  Cause we are a creation of survival of the fittest, so what other basic rule should discribe our moral code. Due unto others as ….would be an antitisis to that which resulted in our existance.

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And I still maintain if there were no higher moral plane, then dog eat dog would be the norm, and I would take my neighbor’s wife, house and car if I could.  Cause we are a creation of survival of the fittest, so what other basic rule should discribe our moral code.

"Survival of the fittest" can also mean survival of populations that work together and help each other.  Humans behaving as you consider "fit" would not be able to live together, and if they don’t cooperate with one another their big brains don’t get them nearly as much survivability as if they do. Humans are smart enough to work together to organize a hunt.  But if they were always mean to each other, or if they couldn’t trust each other enough to work together, they’d lose that survival edge. Humans are also smart enough to plan out sets of crops with staggered harvest times, so that when something becomes ripe, a whole bunch of people can go out and pick it, and a few weeks later something else becomes ripe.  But if they didn’t work together, each individual person would be trying to do the harvest of his/her own field all alone, and they’d lose that survival edge. Ever see how wild dogs deal with a vicious dog in the pack? They’ll take its tantrums for a while, but sooner or later they have to get rid of it. Usually they get together and kill it. This is because the pack as a whole is more survivable without the antisocial one.   This means the vicious dog actually has less survival odds than the "normal" dogs.   And remember that little fish that eats the scum and food bits off the teeth of other fishes?  It’s like the dentist of the deep.  And the other fish get a bit of survival odds from *NOT* eating the dentist, even though they can. The point here is that survival of the *fittest* does not always mean survival of the greedy, antisocial, opportunistic, or likely-to-win-fights.  It means survival of the ones who work best in the environment where they are, however they do it.  Which includes cooperation, performing valuable services for others, and mutual support of others likely to reciprocate.   Which, depending on how you see these things, may be just part of God’s plan for the world….                                 Ray

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ok Dan, My heart is not in it, cause you are correct within the bounds of any rational, logical, fact driven argument…… My right brain say, duh, of course…. But I still observe the universe in awe, and can not bring myself to accept that the fact that I am observing it is nothing more that a statistical fluke.  Call it ego, hubris, or weakness that requires me to believe I am something more than  a fluke of a temporary increase of entropy. And I still maintain if there were no higher moral plane, then dog eat dog would be the norm, and I would take my neighbor’s wife, house and car if I could.  Cause we are a creation of survival of the fittest, so what other basic rule should describe our moral code. Due unto others as ….would be an antithesis to that which resulted in our existence.

In some recent threads in other newsgroups, Elizabeth Hubbell and G Riggs offered the following views … – - – begin excerpt – - – – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -} With respect, since humans are primates, it would seem pertinent that } primates just happen to be social animals.  Their instinct to keep } everyone around them reasonably functional in the long haul is just as } strong as any drive to get ahead.  I was struck by a recent posting from } a contributor to the talk.origins newsgroup.  S/He signed her/himself } "eyelessgame". } } S/He addressed exactly this general question as cogently as anything } I’ve read on this matter: } } "Humans, like the other primates, are social animals.  We are not } terribly strong or fast, nor are we armed or armored.  Social animals } provide for one another; it is in their nature — their instinct — to } do so.  Human societies with empathic individuals (to some extent at } least) have prospered better than societies with less empathic, more } selfish individuals. } } "Now, there’s a balance, because a certain level of competitiveness } gets a primate — particularly a male — better food and more } offspring, and also hones his hunting and fighting skills in a way } that benefits not only him but the rest of his tribe.  So we inherit a } constant tension between two different positive survival traits: } selfishness and empathy. } } "The reasons that empathy has prospered as a trait are so basic and } obvious it’s hard to put them into words.  You are more likely to } survive all sorts of hazards and hardships if you have trusted friends } and relatives whom you count on, and to whom you reciprocate when } they go through their own difficulty.  (I go into more detail on the } related notion of altruism below.) This is a very positive survival } trait, and one we carry today. } } "Our innate moral sense is very similar to the innate moral sense of } chimpanzees, if you watch these close relatives of ours for a while. } They, like us, are smart enough to keep track of who treats them well } and who treats them badly, and to favor or ostracize accordingly.   } This provides a powerful check on straightforward selfishness, because } ostracized primates tend to live short, unhappy, ill-fed, unreproduced } lives. } } "At the same time, some level of competitiveness is expected and } encouraged, from childhood on; the more aggressive males get extra } privileges, for example. Food is shared, but not necessarily shared } equally; chimps fight over larger pieces of scarce food, but some will } still take food to the loser to make sure he doesn’t starve. } } "One sees the same behaviors in our more successful societies today; a } balance between cooperation and competition seems to build societies } well, and it turns out that this is what we’ve evolved to do.  (It’s a } fortunate coincidence that large societies can operate at least to } some extent the same way as small societies, or we’d have even more } trouble keeping nations together than we already have.  Also, we’re } built to be xenophobic tribesmen, and we have to work *against* } xenophobia to prosper as a species today.) } } "I wrote the following in alt.atheism a few weeks ago, regarding } altruism, a related concept to morality and empathy… } } "Altruism, in the real world, has a number of different rationales. For } example: } – Expected nonphysical reward (afterlife, reincarnation, good karma) } – Peer accolade (I help others, and others thus treat me well) } – Habit (I help others because I have been taught to help others) } – Emotional reward (I help others because it feels good) } – Self-discipline (I help others, and thus better myself) } – Socialization (I help others because it is my responsibility to do }   so as a member of my society) } } "Altruism has a number of known evolutionary advantages: } – Reciprocation (primates have for a long time been smart enough to }   keep track of who’s generous and who’s stingy, and treat as }   they are treated) } – Kin selection (self-sacrifice for offspring, siblings, cousins }   furthers one’s genes) } – Kin protection (self-sacrifice for unrelated but trusted tribe }   members leaves them alive to care for one’s relatives, }   furthering one’s genes)" } } The full posting is viewable through Google at } } http://groups.google.com/groups?q=g:thl304913544d&hl=en&selm=e707421e… } } G Riggs

- – - end excerpt – - –  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net

Response:

"Survival of the fittest" can also mean survival of populations that work together and help each other.  

Sort of, primates have societies based on a familiar group.  So small groups work together to the benifit of the group, but also work together to ‘out do’ the neighboring group, so even with the acceptance of man as a social animial, it would be moraly valild for the US to go take the oil from the middle east if it could if only naturalistic law were the basis of our moral code. Let alone, leave the old out in the cold, kill the deformed babies, ..yada yada…. We have reversed evolution by protecting the sick, poor, inept, stupid, lazy….( i.e. Don’t use hair dryer in the shower stickers ) this is agains a naturalistic moral code, no?

Response:

1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation? 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us? 4) Spare the children the pain? 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing?

What you have described are, no question, major problems to reconcile for those who hold a benevolent Judeo-Christian view of God with rationality not based on faith. Personally, I think we have been running around in circles for the past couple of hundred years in regards to religion.  We accept certain things as given that trap us into assumptions that lead nowhere. Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that God exists.  Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pantheistic, whatever.  I suspect most people would agree that if there is a God, God doesn’t change.  Nevertheless, our interpretations of the Bible, the Koran, and so on have changed radically over the past thousand or so years. So God isn’t changing – it’s our understanding of God. Science wasn’t much of an issue two thousand years ago because it was very anemic, and very few people had any real exposure to it.  Science is an issue now, because it suggests things that contradict things claimed by many religions that saw their origin a thousand, two thousand, three thousand years ago. I think that religion, and a concept of God, still have very valid and very necessary roles to play in our lives, both personally and socially.  I think that it is indeed possible to have religion and science be in accordance, but only to the extent that I or anyone else is willing to lay down some of our assumptions about what God "has to be". – andrea — ANDREA LABERTEAUX "Then, if you are part of the universe, the universe can, indeed, know things. We are the universe’s way of being conscious of itself. Your hand is a part of what you think of as you, but your hand is not, in itself, conscious of its own existence. Does a molecule know where it is supposed to go, how it is supposed to behave? Being requires neither consciousness nor awareness – only being."      The Book of Heresies, 2-19      http://www.geocities.com/gretchen_911/

Response:

Forgive me for top-posting, but it seems less offensive to make a short comment on a long quote this way, especially since I’m mostly quoting myself.  I’m flattered that my essay seems to have struck a chord with several people. I don’t claim much originality except for the phrasing;  the influences of Gould, Sagan, and Hofstadter are conscious, and many other influences are probably there and unconscious as well. (‘eyelessgame’ is my not-particularly-secret online alter ego; in real – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – In some recent threads in other newsgroups, Elizabeth Hubbell and G Riggs offered the following views … – - – begin excerpt – - – } With respect, since humans are primates, it would seem pertinent that } primates just happen to be social animals.  Their instinct to keep } everyone around them reasonably functional in the long haul is just as } strong as any drive to get ahead.  I was struck by a recent posting from } a contributor to the talk.origins newsgroup.  S/He signed her/himself } "eyelessgame". } } S/He addressed exactly this general question as cogently as anything } I’ve read on this matter: } } "Humans, like the other primates, are social animals.  We are not } terribly strong or fast, nor are we armed or armored.  Social animals } provide for one another; it is in their nature — their instinct — to } do so.  Human societies with empathic individuals (to some extent at } least) have prospered better than societies with less empathic, more } selfish individuals. } } "Now, there’s a balance, because a certain level of competitiveness } gets a primate — particularly a male — better food and more } offspring, and also hones his hunting and fighting skills in a way } that benefits not only him but the rest of his tribe.  So we inherit a } constant tension between two different positive survival traits: } selfishness and empathy. } } "The reasons that empathy has prospered as a trait are so basic and } obvious it’s hard to put them into words.  You are more likely to } survive all sorts of hazards and hardships if you have trusted friends } and relatives whom you count on, and to whom you reciprocate when } they go through their own difficulty.  (I go into more detail on the } related notion of altruism below.) This is a very positive survival } trait, and one we carry today. } } "Our innate moral sense is very similar to the innate moral sense of } chimpanzees, if you watch these close relatives of ours for a while. } They, like us, are smart enough to keep track of who treats them well } and who treats them badly, and to favor or ostracize accordingly.   } This provides a powerful check on straightforward selfishness, because } ostracized primates tend to live short, unhappy, ill-fed, unreproduced } lives. } } "At the same time, some level of competitiveness is expected and } encouraged, from childhood on; the more aggressive males get extra } privileges, for example. Food is shared, but not necessarily shared } equally; chimps fight over larger pieces of scarce food, but some will } still take food to the loser to make sure he doesn’t starve. } } "One sees the same behaviors in our more successful societies today; a } balance between cooperation and competition seems to build societies } well, and it turns out that this is what we’ve evolved to do.  (It’s a } fortunate coincidence that large societies can operate at least to } some extent the same way as small societies, or we’d have even more } trouble keeping nations together than we already have.  Also, we’re } built to be xenophobic tribesmen, and we have to work *against* } xenophobia to prosper as a species today.) } } "I wrote the following in alt.atheism a few weeks ago, regarding } altruism, a related concept to morality and empathy… } } "Altruism, in the real world, has a number of different rationales. For } example: } – Expected nonphysical reward (afterlife, reincarnation, good karma) } – Peer accolade (I help others, and others thus treat me well) } – Habit (I help others because I have been taught to help others) } – Emotional reward (I help others because it feels good) } – Self-discipline (I help others, and thus better myself) } – Socialization (I help others because it is my responsibility to do }   so as a member of my society) } } "Altruism has a number of known evolutionary advantages: } – Reciprocation (primates have for a long time been smart enough to }   keep track of who’s generous and who’s stingy, and treat as }   they are treated) } – Kin selection (self-sacrifice for offspring, siblings, cousins }   furthers one’s genes) } – Kin protection (self-sacrifice for unrelated but trusted tribe }   members leaves them alive to care for one’s relatives, }   furthering one’s genes)" } } The full posting is viewable through Google at } } http://groups.google.com/groups?q=g:thl304913544d&hl=en&selm=e707421e… } } G Riggs – - – end excerpt – - –  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net

Response:

Forgive me for top-posting, but it seems less offensive to make a short comment on a long quote this way, especially since I’m mostly quoting myself.  I’m flattered that my essay seems to have struck a chord with several people. I don’t claim much originality except for the phrasing;  the influences of Gould, Sagan, and Hofstadter are conscious, and many other influences are probably there and unconscious as well. (‘eyelessgame’ is my not-particularly-secret online alter ego; in real

Thanks, Al (eyelessgame) – good stuff. -Dan Fake – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – In some recent threads in other newsgroups, Elizabeth Hubbell and G Riggs offered the following views … – - – begin excerpt – - – } With respect, since humans are primates, it would seem pertinent that } primates just happen to be social animals.  Their instinct to keep } everyone around them reasonably functional in the long haul is just as } strong as any drive to get ahead.  I was struck by a recent posting from } a contributor to the talk.origins newsgroup.  S/He signed her/himself } "eyelessgame". } } S/He addressed exactly this general question as cogently as anything } I’ve read on this matter: } } "Humans, like the other primates, are social animals.  We are not } terribly strong or fast, nor are we armed or armored.  Social animals } provide for one another; it is in their nature — their instinct — to } do so.  Human societies with empathic individuals (to some extent at } least) have prospered better than societies with less empathic, more } selfish individuals. } } "Now, there’s a balance, because a certain level of competitiveness } gets a primate — particularly a male — better food and more } offspring, and also hones his hunting and fighting skills in a way } that benefits not only him but the rest of his tribe.  So we inherit a } constant tension between two different positive survival traits: } selfishness and empathy. } } "The reasons that empathy has prospered as a trait are so basic and } obvious it’s hard to put them into words.  You are more likely to } survive all sorts of hazards and hardships if you have trusted friends } and relatives whom you count on, and to whom you reciprocate when } they go through their own difficulty.  (I go into more detail on the } related notion of altruism below.) This is a very positive survival } trait, and one we carry today. } } "Our innate moral sense is very similar to the innate moral sense of } chimpanzees, if you watch these close relatives of ours for a while. } They, like us, are smart enough to keep track of who treats them well } and who treats them badly, and to favor or ostracize accordingly.   } This provides a powerful check on straightforward selfishness, because } ostracized primates tend to live short, unhappy, ill-fed, unreproduced } lives. } } "At the same time, some level of competitiveness is expected and } encouraged, from childhood on; the more aggressive males get extra } privileges, for example. Food is shared, but not necessarily shared } equally; chimps fight over larger pieces of scarce food, but some will } still take food to the loser to make sure he doesn’t starve. } } "One sees the same behaviors in our more successful societies today; a } balance between cooperation and competition seems to build societies } well, and it turns out that this is what we’ve evolved to do.  (It’s a } fortunate coincidence that large societies can operate at least to } some extent the same way as small societies, or we’d have even more } trouble keeping nations together than we already have.  Also, we’re } built to be xenophobic tribesmen, and we have to work *against* } xenophobia to prosper as a species today.) } } "I wrote the following in alt.atheism a few weeks ago, regarding } altruism, a related concept to morality and empathy… } } "Altruism, in the real world, has a number of different rationales. For } example: } – Expected nonphysical reward (afterlife, reincarnation, good karma) } – Peer accolade (I help others, and others thus treat me well) } – Habit (I help others because I have been taught to help others) } – Emotional reward (I help others because it feels good) } – Self-discipline (I help others, and thus better myself) } – Socialization (I help others because it is my responsibility to do }   so as a member of my society) } } "Altruism has a number of known evolutionary advantages: } – Reciprocation (primates have for a long time been smart enough to }   keep track of who’s generous and who’s stingy, and treat as }   they are treated) } – Kin selection (self-sacrifice for offspring, siblings, cousins }   furthers one’s genes) } – Kin protection (self-sacrifice for unrelated but trusted tribe }   members leaves them alive to care for one’s relatives, }   furthering one’s genes)" } } The full posting is viewable through Google at } } http://groups.google.com/groups?q=g:thl304913544d&hl=en&selm=e707421e… } } G Riggs – - – end excerpt – - –  Dan Fake, Pro-Humanist FREELOVER  http://danfake.home.att.net

Response:

… 1) Detail all knowledge, unashamedly, taking pride in his/its/her/their creation?

pride is a sin 2) Trip us out on heaven from the get go?

some people don’t want to be in heaven, God wouldn’t want that for us. 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us?

Make us Gods?  There is only one God, theoretically there could be several "gods."  I really don’t want that much responsibility or understanding right now.  sounds like a pretty big ego trip though. 4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain?

pain is not bad, mkay. 7) Communicate with us, like, for real?

I don’t know.  wow, and I still believe. odd huh? 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing?

some people aren’t ready or don’t want to. 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts?

thats why they call it faith, it is a gift from the holy spirit, and a bit of the ole catch 22 thingy. 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us?

I think he is, really i do.

Response:

<snip 3) Make us Gods – after all, it is a vast infinite cosmos, so what’s so hard about slicing off a universe for each of us? Make us Gods?  There is only one God, theoretically there could be several "gods."  I really don’t want that much responsibility or understanding right now.  sounds like a pretty big ego trip though.

Gutsy words for a coward. 4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain? pain is not bad, mkay.

Good, you can have mine, I don’t want it anymore. 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? I don’t know.  wow, and I still believe. odd huh?

He does with me, but I am certifyable ! <snip 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us? I think he is, really i do.

Me too

Response:

4) Spare the children the pain? 5) Spare the good the pain? 6) Spare us all the pain? 7) Communicate with us, like, for real? 8) Deal with us as if we were worth dealing with, rather than in a manner equivalent to God not existing? 9) Act in a manner distinctly different from the non-existent manner in which he/it/she/they acts? 10) Act in as decent and kind and caring and genuine and real and open and honest and forthright a manner as the best among us?

No polemic in what I say but: Wouldn’t life be a bit boring if one morning you go out of your house saying to yourself "Wow man! I really enjoy to be free to believe what I want to believe" and then you look the sky and see an enormous face with a white beard (usually man imagine God like this) who tells you "Gotcha! You wanted to believe that I didn’t exist but here I am!" What would be of your freeodm? That wouldn’t be a God… that would be a dictator. Not a Father, but a divine Mussolini. If there is a God of course is someone who loves us. And since He loves us He let us free to believe what we want. And He stays hidden in the story of our lifes ready to come out at the very moment we say "All this pain makes no sense. If is there any God he must explain me all this shit!" God shows up in front of the man who has seen he is not god, and whose brain can not make sense on pain and life itself. If we were compelled to believe in Him what our life was for? Being like robots? You believe in God just when you see im though right? What’s the deal then? Call him. Well… Try to call him. Put him on trial and ask him to explain you why there is pain in the world. What do you have to lose? If he dosen’t exist you will have spoken to the walls. bye bye

Response:

<Snip God shows up in front of the man who has seen he is not god, and whose brain can not make sense on pain and life itself. If we were compelled to believe in Him what our life was for? Being like robots? You believe in God just when you see im though right? What’s the deal then? Call him. Well… Try to call him. Put him on trial and ask him to explain you why there is pain in the world. What do you have to lose? If he dosen’t exist you will have spoken to the walls. bye bye

____ Speaking to the walls is bad for mental health. For example, people who worship idols come to believe in said idols regardless of what the idols are.

Response:

Well you will be speaking to walls if god doesn’t exist. And if God doesn’t exist frankly I find life wothless to be lived. But this is my opinion. bye – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <Snip God shows up in front of the man who has seen he is not god, and whose brain can not make sense on pain and life itself. If we were compelled to believe in Him what our life was for? Being like robots? You believe in God just when you see im though right? What’s the deal then? Call him. Well… Try to call him. Put him on trial and ask him to explain you why there is pain in the world. What do you have to lose? If he dosen’t exist you will have spoken to the walls. bye bye ____ Speaking to the walls is bad for mental health. For example, people who worship idols come to believe in said idols regardless of what the idols are.

Response:

Tao

Question:

Billy – personally, I see nothing wrong with discussing Tao in a Buddhist group.  I was recently reading some articles by Stan Rosenthal regarding Taoism and he made the connection between Tao and Zen, he also quotes D.T. Suzuki "To ask a question about Zen is to ask a question about the Tao." IMHO, the two are very closely linked (perhaps insepprable?). Paul.

Response:

I think most of the people here are on vacation or something as there have been very few postings lately. Tao truly did have a major impact on Buddhism once it reached China and especially in Zen. I’m sure this topic will receive more notice in the near future.

Response:

I know this is a Buddhist site, but would it do any harm to introduce it here? I love the philosophy of the Tao, but the people at that discussion group are weirder than two-headed cats. Is it possible to intelligently discuss what influence Taoism had on Buddhism once it reached China. Also, while discussing Nagarjuna earlier, I could not help but notice the similarities between his "relativeness" doctrine and the Taoist Yin-Yang principle. Naturally I began to wonder if perhaps Buddhism and Taoism had not met much sooner than Bodhidarma’s arrival in China. SITTING QUIETLY, DOING NOTHING

Response:

:)

Question:

LMAO, I actually have that hanging in one of my bathrooms! Jeff

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Taoism: Shit happens Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islanm: That shit happens is the will of Allah Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit? Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens" 7th day adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens" Jehovah’s Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon Unitarian: What is this shit? Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us? Pentacostalism: Praise the shit! Atheism: There is no shit! New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit — Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.                                         P.J. O’Rourke

Response:

Taoism: Shit happens Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, Rama Rama Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islanm: That shit happens is the will of Allah

Islam. Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit? Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens" 7th day adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else

Calvinism: Shit happens because you are *bad*. Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it

Catholicism: Shit happens, so say 10 "Hail Mary"s and 5 "Our Father"s…. Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens" Jehovah’s Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon Unitarian: What is this shit? Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again

This is Buddhism, actually (at least, the one I’m familiar with.) Mormon is "Doo doo happens." (Mormons are not allowed to use dirty words.) Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us? Pentacostalism: Praise the shit! Atheism: There is no shit!

Atheism: No shit! Agnosticism: I don’t know if shit happens. New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit

Wicca: Shit happens three times. Hippy: That’s some happenin’ shit! 12-Step programs: I am powerless over the shit that happens…. Christian Scientists: Shit will not happen, if you have enough faith. Assembly of God: Shit happens. Praise the Lord! Christian Coalition: It is God’s will that I make shit happen to you. Hedonism: Ahhhh. There is nothing like a good shit happening. Stoicism: Shit is good for you. Optimism 1: Shit makes the flowers grow. Optimism 2: When shit happens, make lemonade. Pessimism: Why does this shit always happen to me? Republicans: When shit happens, it is the Democrats fault! Democrats 1: When shit happens, it is the Republicans fault! Democrats 2: When shit happens, it is Nader’s fault! Democrats 3: Shit happens. I want a recount! Ronald Reagan: Huh? What the shit happened? George W. Bush: Shat hippens. Al Gore: The process of excrementation, and its end results, periodically reoccure. Murphy: Any time shit can happen, it will happen. — Gregory Gadow Web: http://www.serv.net/~techbear "Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win, By fearing to attempt"   — William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

Response:

couple giggles I made the mistake of checking the newsgroups before I shut down – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Taoism: Shit happens Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islanm: That shit happens is the will of Allah Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit? Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens" 7th day adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens" Jehovah’s Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon Unitarian: What is this shit? Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us? Pentacostalism: Praise the shit! Atheism: There is no shit! New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit

Response:

Taoism: Shit happens Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islanm: That shit happens is the will of Allah Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit? Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens" 7th day adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens" Jehovah’s Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon Unitarian: What is this shit? Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us? Pentacostalism: Praise the shit! Atheism: There is no shit! New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit — Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.                                         P.J. O’Rourke

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Taoism: Shit happens Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islanm: That shit happens is the will of Allah Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit? Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens" 7th day adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens" Jehovah’s Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon Unitarian: What is this shit? Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us? Pentacostalism: Praise the shit! Atheism: There is no shit! New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit

Rapperism:(grasping opposite elbows) Shit, your shit ain’t shit. This is the shit. Consumerism: We gotta have that shit. experimentationism: Hey! This shit ain’t bad! Bill Wingstedt — Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.                                         P.J. O’Rourke

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Taoism: Shit happens Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islanm: That shit happens is the will of Allah Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit? Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens" 7th day adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens" Jehovah’s Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon Unitarian: What is this shit? Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us? Pentacostalism: Praise the shit! Atheism: There is no shit! New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit

Shit: What Buttplug has for brains.

Response:

"new" path?

Question:

Hey all.  I’m wondering if anyone can direct me to information regarding ‘Eastern’ teachings.  I am currently studying many Chinese practices… Chi Gung, Tai Chi, Tao (which isn’t specifically Chinese, but you know…), Dragon Magick (also not directly Chinese, but hey)… learning about the 5 elements… it’s not terribly close to Wicca; I guess that’s why I’m having a hard time of it.  Can anyone suggest resources that I may have missed? (Besides learning a new path, of course, though that option isn’t completely out yet…) – Runesong, who knows his nick isn’t Chinese ;)

Response:

<snip Can anyone suggest resources that I may have missed? (Besides learning a new path, of course, though that option isn’t completely out yet…)

You might wish to consider both Feng Shui (or Fung Shui – one transliteration is newer than the other, but I don’t at the moment recall which is which) and the I Ching. Blessed be, Baird — Modkin for soc.religion.paganism, Modstaff for alt.religion.wicca.moderated Like science fiction and fantasy fiction?  Read my reviews at <http://www.bairdstafford.com

Response:

You might wish to consider both Feng Shui (or Fung Shui – one transliteration is newer than the other, but I don’t at the moment recall which is which) and the I Ching.

Heh, of course, I’ve already looked into those. ;)  What I mean to ask, is can anyone direct me to pagan-related sites that may incorporate Eastern mysteries?:)  My gf found for me a corner call for the 5 elements, but that’s all I’ve been able to scrounge up thus far. – Runesong

Response:

Pagan related Eastern stuff might be hard to come by as the Modern Pagan traditions (exluding native spirituality) are all based on the Western Mystery Tradition. If you find one though, I would be interesting in researching it myself. — Sub Umbra Alarum Tuarum Hashem -Fra Sigma Gamma Quaesitor Veritas LVX – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – You might wish to consider both Feng Shui (or Fung Shui – one transliteration is newer than the other, but I don’t at the moment recall which is which) and the I Ching. Heh, of course, I’ve already looked into those. ;)  What I mean to ask, is can anyone direct me to pagan-related sites that may incorporate Eastern mysteries?:)  My gf found for me a corner call for the 5 elements, but that’s all I’ve been able to scrounge up thus far. – Runesong

Response:

That would be me. Check out bookofshadows. http://www.netgoths.com * http://www.bookofshadows.org – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey all.  I’m wondering if anyone can direct me to information regarding ‘Eastern’ teachings.  I am currently studying many Chinese practices… Chi Gung, Tai Chi, Tao (which isn’t specifically Chinese, but you know…), Dragon Magick (also not directly Chinese, but hey)… learning about the 5 elements… it’s not terribly close to Wicca; I guess that’s why I’m having a hard time of it.  Can anyone suggest resources that I may have missed? (Besides learning a new path, of course, though that option isn’t completely out yet…) – Runesong, who knows his nick isn’t Chinese ;)

Response:

Pagan related Eastern stuff might be hard to come by as the Modern Pagan traditions (exluding native spirituality) are all based on the Western Mystery Tradition. If you find one though, I would be interesting in researching it myself.

I dunno.  I know plenty of former Hippies who came to Paganism in general and Wicca in particular through one variety or another of Buddhism – and have included bits and pieces of their, hmm, "former incarnations" into their present rituals.  Seems to work pretty well, even for those who don’t recognize some of the more obscure sources. Just for fun and chuckles, check out the correspondences between Wicca and Taoism.  I won’t say the mesh is seamless, but I’ve had no difficulty in incorporating bits from the first into the second. Blessed be, Baird   — Modkin for soc.religion.paganism, Modstaff for alt.religion.wicca.moderated Like science fiction and fantasy fiction?  Read my reviews at <http://www.bairdstafford.com

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http://www.netgoths.com * http://www.bookofshadows.org Just for fun and chuckles, check out the correspondences between Wicca and Taoism.  I won’t say the mesh is seamless, but I’ve had no difficulty in incorporating bits from the first into the second. Blessed be, Baird  

I concur. There are many similarities in the cosmology of Wicca and Taoism.

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